Sunday, January 02, 2011

12 movies I hated in 2010

They say that every cloud has a silver lining. If that's true, the silver linings in these storm clouds were bolts of lightning about to strike the tree I was standing under. From worst to...well, "best" doesn't seem like the appropriate word, but "least worst" maybe:

Number 52

I wrote a full review for the Kill All Monsters! blog, but the short version is that Skyline had no story. It was an idea for a story, but it went nowhere and ended at what should have been the movie's halfway point. Horrible.

Number 51

The movie that proved that M Night Shyamalan is so far gone that he doesn't even have to direct the movie for it to suck. Devil didn't make any sense and replaced Plot and Character Motivation with things like Fate and Whatever Shyamalan Decided to Pull Out of His Butt.

Number 50

Better than Devil only because Shyamalan started with something wonderful. But he managed to suck every bit of joy out of it, even going as far as taking one of the most positive, fun-loving characters ever created and turning him into a mopey downer, while also inexplicably mispronouncing his name.

Number 49

"The three of us have to go to Hades to rescue my mom, but first we have to find three magic items that will each let one of us escape once we get there. No, no, don't even think about the math. We can figure that out once we're in the underworld and have no other way of getting out. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Number 48

I love Peter Jackson, but how can anyone manage to make a movie about a child murderer that doesn't make you feel anything about what's going on?

Number 47

Takes everything awesome about the Jonah Hex concept and throws it out the stagecoach window in favor of making Wild Wild West II.

Number 46

As an amateur theologian, I try not to be too judgmental of movies that get it wrong, but seriously...Legion didn't even try. I need to watch The Prophecy again to cleanse my palate.

Number 45

Man, people love their blue posters, don't they?

My big problem with this one is that it's based entirely on my least-favorite element of vampire mythology: that getting bitten by a vampire automatically turns you into one. I disliked more than just that, but you can read the rest in my review.

Number 44

I love Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore, but Chloe didn't do either of them justice, mostly because Moore and Seyfried's characters don't act in any way resembling real people. Liam's character is fine, but he's really just a plot device.

Number 43

I know a lot of people like this one, but I'm guessing that they tend to like crime movies more than I do. I need a really likable - or at least relatable - character to hook me into a crime drama and He Loves His Girlfriend isn't enough to do that for me. I had a hard time rooting for or caring about anyone in The Town.

Number 42

It set itself up to be so much, but - though it had a moment or two - it was so little. Some of its biggest stars were nothing more than cameos and it unnecessarily used CGI when practical effects were needed. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to light a stuntman on fire that you have to create flames on your computer?

Number 41

Two of my favorite comedians. My least favorite comedy of the year. It made me laugh a couple of times, but that only reminded me of the reaction I should have been having through the rest of the film about unlikable people doing stupid, ridiculous things.


Kal said...

Oh I like this. This idea is freakin' brilliant. I have to be honest with you that at no time has this topic ever crossed my mind for a movie list at the end of the year. Sure Siskel and Ebert did them but me....its a blank. Well done.

There is research out there to that say teen males react very strongly to that color blue in their posters and the numbers back that up. It may be wrong but get used to this color on posters FOREVER. Orange is pretty popular too.

Kal said...

I forgot to add Calvin's first role of movie making - The higher the concept, the more you have to go full retard on the execution. Anything less will be a let down to your audience. Most every movie on your list missed that point.

Michael May said...

Calvin's first Rule of Movie Making: The higher the concept, the more you have to go full retard on the execution..

Quote of the Week.

Erik Johnson Illustrator said...

Wow. It looks you went to more movies of more diverse genres then I did. Hence why my recent "Best of 2010" list for my blog consisted of older movies I had rented, but that's not unusual for me.

I can understand your dislike towards blue in movie posters. According to its one of the Top 5 Annoying trends that make all movies look the same.

I'll be sure and try and catch up with the full reviews you wrote to see if we can spot any other common flaws in this past years entertainment.


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