7 Days in May | Hailee Steinfeld vs the Mummy

The Mummy (2017)



Disappointing. Or it would have been had the extremely negative reviews not lowered my expectations. But still disappointing compared to the hopes I had for the Tom Cruise-starring launch of a Universal Monsters movie series. I have no problems with old dudes in action movies, but the script clearly thinks he's at least 20 years younger than he is. And contradictory to Universal's claims, it's not actually scary. It's an adventure story that has more in common with the 1999 Mummy than the 1932 one.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing and I had a good enough time with it. It's not the strong start to the Dark Universe (hate that name) that I wanted, but it's a harmless, mostly engaging summer flick.

The Edge of Seventeen (2016)



The mix between drama and comedy leans more heavily towards drama than the charming and funny trailer led me to believe, but it's still really, really good. And funny. But also heart-breaking and uplifting and completely relatable. Anyone who knows what it's like to hold the simultaneous views that you are the center of the universe, but also completely worthless will appreciate what Nadine's (Hailee Steinfeld) going through.

Resident Evil (2002)



And people say there are no good video game movies.

Seriously, I don't know why this has a bad reputation. It's a simple, clear plot complicated by some cool obstacles and nice twists. And Milla Jovovich is awesome in it.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)



I'm going to have to change my "I don't like zombie movies" stance, because the exception list is getting long. This one's even more straight-up zombie movie than the first Resident Evil and in spite of that, I like it even better. Alice (Jovovich) is in full-on butt-kick mode, there are a bunch of fun, new (and yes, cliché, but still fun) characters, and again: clear, simple plot with plenty of action to keep it moving.

Mannequin (1987)



I've been catching up on some episodes of the Cult Film Club podcast that I have bookmarked and Mannequin was next on the list. I loved this movie back in the day and saw it multiple times in the theater. It's goofy and never explains the rules of whatever fantasy or magic is going on in it, but it's also super funny and oddly sweet. Andrew McCarthy was never high on my list of favorite Brat Packers (those spots are all saved for Breakfast Club alumni), but I always liked him in roles like this and Pretty in Pink where he just gets to be pleasantly sincere. That hasn't changed.

I think I remember some culture shock about James Spader's performance when I originally saw this, because I love him as Pretty in Pink's handsome and powerful Steff and didn't like that he was so greasy and snivelling in Mannequin. But years later, after seeing him in many other things, I love what he's doing in Mannequin and that he went with a different spin on what could have been the exact same role.

The rest of the cast is great, too; especially Meshach Taylor and GW Bailey.

Rambo: First Blood, Part II (1985)



David and I watched First Blood back in January and it's just taken us this long to get to the sequel. It's not as good as First Blood, but it's still an effective commentary on the US' emotions around the Vietnam War and has some great action sequences. It's starting to get into over the top territory (tee hee), but it's still somewhat grounded and not full-on Rambo III, which I'll likely never watch again.

Ben-Hur (1959)



This Spring we watched the 2016 version and it wasn't great, but was better than expected and made Diane want to check out the '59 version. I couldn't talk her into the 1925 silent version that I like better, but I wanted to rewatch Heston, too, so we finally did that.

My dad always referred to this as the Star Wars of his generation and I can see why. It's a cool story and an amazing spectacle. I can imagine going back to the theater over and over just to rewatch the chariot race alone. And that's exactly what people did in 1959.

It's taken me a few years to understand the whole "Tale of the Christ" sub-title, because Jesus Christ only makes a couple of cameos (though they're prominent and significant). But the whole movie really is about how Christ's teachings about love and vengeance end up affecting the main character. It's wisdom that needs remembering, so I was happy to revisit it.

Three Godfathers (1936)



I think I added this to my list last Christmas, because someone described it as a Western version of the Three Magi story. Which I guess it is, but only symbolically in that it's about three men who make sacrifices for the benefit of an infant at Christmastime. But in this case they're three outlaws in various stages of hard-heartedness. I really liked Lewis Stone's character, who's the first to cave when it comes to taking in the baby, but I had a tough time buying the journey of Chester Morris' character. He's the most wicked of the bunch, so his change should be the most effective, but he doesn't sell it to me. Curious if the 1948 John Ford/John Wayne remake handles that better.

The Plainsman (1936)



Ever since watching The Young Riders for Hellbent for Letterbox, I've been interested in movies about Bills both Wild and Buffalo. This one's got both, starring Gary Cooper as Wild Bill Hickok and James Ellison (I Walked With a Zombie) as Buffalo Bill Cody. Jean Arthur pretty much steals the movie as Calamity Jane, though.

It's a fun movie that condenses a lot of history into a manageable narrative (and tells you up front that that's what it's doing). Not super essential, but it makes a nice sequel to The Young Riders.

The Mask of Zorro (1998)



As I'm closing in on the end of Disney's Zorro series, I figured to close out on the rest of the Zorro movies I've been meaning to watch, too. I've seen Mask several times and in spite of never being able to buy Anthony Hopkins as Diego, I love it. He may not be remotely Spanish, but Hopkins is charming and it's cool how he becomes the new Bernardo to Antonio Banderas' new Zorro. Banderas is an awesome swashbuckler and I like that Mask is a sequel to the original stories while also giving us the origin story that we've never really gotten before. Catherine Zeta Jones is perfect in it, too.

Zorro's Fighting Legion (1939)



I'm going to have to come back and try this again after putting some distance between myself and the other Zorro films. It's probably a decent enough serial, but it doesn't feel at all like Zorro to me. Reed Hadley is playing Don Diego and does some fencing (unlike the Son of Zorro serial from eight years later), but he's got a flat, American accent and - worse - the eponymous legion to share time and spotlight with. I'll think I'll eventually be able to enjoy it as a Western, but it ain't Zorro and I decided not to finish it.

River of Death (1989)



Speaking of not finishing things, I had high hopes for a movie about Michael Dudikoff (American Ninja) traveling a jungle river to search for a lost city and fight some Nazis played by Robert Vaughn and Donald Pleasance. But holy crap this was boring. Dudikoff is passionless and the movie does zero work to build any relationship between his character and the girl he's supposed to be risking his life to rescue. I own it (it came in a box with the awesome Brenda Starr), so I may give it another shot one day, but it'll be a while, if ever.

On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers



Very well written in terms of craft. Powers knows how to create captivating characters and give them distinct voices. He's also great at period details and introducing a compelling mystery.

Where the book lost me was halfway through when the magic fully took over from the nautical adventure. It becomes full-on fantasy and the villains might as well be wearing pointy hats with stars. Also, the one female character is nothing but a MacGuffin for the hero to chase after and try to protect. I didn't finish this, either.

Jam of the Week: "How Far I'll Go" by Auli'i Cravalho

I may relate to Moana a bit too much. No one knows how deep it goes.

My Top 10 Movies of 2016

10. Rogue One



I've talked about this one at length on podcasts. Recorded my initial reactions on Starmaggedon, then got together with the Nerd Lunch crew to dig more deeply into it. But if podcasts aren't your thing, here's the short version.

I went into Rogue One just hoping for an entertaining movie that was different from the typical Star Wars experience, and that's exactly what I got. It's a great story and everything a prequel should be. My only disappointment was that I didn't connect with any of the characters as much as I wanted to. I feel empathy for many of them, appreciate the moral journey that Cassian goes on, enjoy what Saw Gerrera represents to the Rebel Alliance at large, and I really really like K-2SO. I just don't love any of these folks as much as I do Rey, Finn, and Poe.

9. Sing Street



I love the setting and the music. That's a lot of fun and the original songs are super catchy and sound right out of the '80s. I also really love the relationship between Conor and his older brother and the themes about firstborn children blazing trails for their younger siblings.

I'm not crazy about the assertion that success can only be found outside of Dublin, though. Especially since the movie has to ignore the existence of U2 in order to make that claim. It's a major omission for the sole purpose of forcing Conor down a particular path, when I'd much rather have seen him make a different choice anyway.

Very good movie, but as someone who adores director John Carney's Begin Again, I expected much more from his take on my favorite music genres.

8. Magnificent Seven



Another one that I went into more detail about on a podcast. Very nice update. I love the diversity in the cast and these actors are all compelling and great. I also love James Horner's score, especially how he suggests the original Elmer Bernstein music without simply dropping it in whole.

My issue with the movie is that it replaces the complex themes of the original with a straightforward revenge story. Peter Sarsgaard is great as the villain, but the character is so charmless and excessively evil (unlike Eli Wallach's Calvera in 1960) that he becomes less interesting.

Still, the way the heroes react to Sarsgaard's character is great and that's where the real story is anyway.

I liked it even more the second time I saw it. Everyone's motivations may be simplified from the original, but I don't like the characters any less for it. In fact, I like all of these Seven more than a couple of the originals.

7. Doctor Strange



Visually stunning with great performances. I loved the sense of humor. Strange has a similar character arc to Tony Stark, but it's different enough to stay interesting. Stark's ego and selfishness makes him charmingly careless while Strange is arrogant and often mean. The similarities seem intentional though and I love the movie's description of the mystical masters as essentially the Avengers of the spiritual world.

6. Legend of Tarzan



I was extremely skeptical after seeing the trailers, but I love this movie.

I love that it doesn't spend much time on Tarzan's very familiar origin, but relates only what it needs to in quick flashbacks sprinkled throughout the main story. It's made some minor changes to that - mostly around Jane's background - but for great reasons that improved her as a character.

And it's the characters that I love the most. This feels like Tarzan and Jane, but a mature, contemporary (even though it's set in the nineteenth century) Tarzan and Jane. They're clearly equals and Jane has a lot to do. She's technically the damsel in distress for quite a while, but the movie comments on that and subverts it. Margot Robbie can pretty much do no wrong at this point.

Alexander Skarsgård is a perfect Tarzan. He's big, he's physical, but most of all he's completely convincing as both English lord and wild man. It's awesome, because we meet him in London, then get to watch the civilization slowly fall off of him once he returns home to the jungle. It's simultaneously thrilling and also kind of heart-breaking to watch.

The various tribal people are also fantastic. Sidney Ralitsoele in particular plays an unbelievably handsome and charming ally. I expect to see a lot more of that guy.

I don't always know what I'm going to get from a Samuel L Jackson or Christoph Waltz performance. A lot of times, they're just doing their Samuel L Jackson and Christoph Waltz things, but every once in a while they'll really go all out for a character. I didn't expect Legend of Tarzan to be one of those times, frankly. I was expecting it to be just a big, dumb, heartless cash-grab with half-hearted performances. But everyone's put a lot of effort into it. It helps that they have strong characters to work with. Waltz' motivations are believable and go way beyond just being evil and destructive. And Jackson has a touching backstory that also gives him purpose in the film and explains his actions.

The writers not only get these characters; they also clearly love Burroughs' novels. This feels like a Burroughs adventure. From an alternate timeline perhaps, but the heart is there. And there are lots of references to Burroughs' stuff that I won't spoil.

I do have one minor issue and that's with the quality of the CG. It's not horrible, but it's not especially good either. I was able to overlook it though, because I was so pleased with everything else.

5. Captain America: Civil War



When Warner Bros announced their plans to fast-track the building of a DC cinematic universe, I was worried for two reasons. First, it would be headed up by the folks responsible for the problem-filled Man of Steel. But also, it sounded like WB was hoping to reap the benefits of a shared universe without putting in the years of character development that Marvel had. That's very clearly seen when I compare Batman v Superman with Civil War.

The movies have almost identical plots, with their villainous masterminds who manipulate heroes into fighting each other. But BvS feels forced and unnatural while Civil War is fun and organic. Everything that happens in Civil War flows out of motives and decisions that are believable because Marvel has spent several years exploring and growing these characters. I like all of these people and I understand why they do what they do, even when I don't agree with them.

But Civil War's success isn't all due to work done by previous movies. It's just more smartly written than BvS. The source of the conflict between the heroes is complicated and fascinating, unlike the self-absorption and bigotry that drives BvS. The characters in Civil War are way smarter, too.

So Civil War really shines next to BvS, but even without that comparison, it's a great time at the movies. It's thought-provoking, but it's also funny and the fights are amazingly choreographed. This is superheroics at their best.

4. Jane Got a Gun



I was totally sucked into this story of a woman who's had to make some hard decisions and now faces the violent consequences. There's some High Noon going on in that it's as much about the build-up to the final confrontation as it is about the confrontation itself.

I love that almost as much as I love the way it gradually reveals the characters' pasts and why they currently feel about each other the way that they do. It's all complicated and human; none of it more so than Jane herself. Portman does a great job, as do all of her co-stars.

3. Hunt for the Wilderpeople



Delightful and beautiful. I'm such a sucker for stories about broken people who learn to connect with each other. Especially when they're as charming and funny as this one. I don't want to say too much and oversell it, but I highly recommend this one.

2. Star Trek Beyond



My favorite of the rebooted Star Trek movies. That's not saying anything in comparison to Into Darkness, but I quite enjoyed the 2009 movie and this is better. 2009 did a great job of introducing the alternate timeline and these new versions of the characters, but it's still an origin story. It has to spend most of its time getting everyone into place so that we can have movies like Star Trek Beyond, which is what I really want to see.

Beyond plays like an episode of the show, but a really badass episode of the show. It's got everything I want in a Star Trek story: strange new worlds, new life and new civilizations, reflections about humanity, and plenty of action. As much as I hear fans talk about action as if its some kind of necessary evil for Star Trek these days, it's always been a vital ingredient of the series and I love having it in the mix.

And speaking of "new life," I have a new favorite Star Trek character in Jaylah. Holy Neck Pinch, she's awesome.

1. Moana



I was hoping to love this. I'm a big fan of Disney animated movies when they're done well and the Pacific islands setting is so my bag. Plus, The Rock. But it's even better than I imagined.

The movie subverts expectations while still feeling very much like what it is. And those coconut pirates are totally rad. I laughed a lot, I was deeply moved, and the songs are as good as any Disney musical since The Little Mermaid (or maybe Aladdin; in a really long time, is my point). You know how little girls everywhere drove everyone crazy with their personal renditions of "Let It Go?" That was me with "How Far I'll Go." And David and I can't stop singing "You're Welcome," either.