The Wicker Man (1973)

Who's In It: Edward Woodward (TV's Equalizer, the best Ghost of Christmas Present ever), Britt Ekland (The Man with the Golden Gun), Diane Cilento (Hombre), Ingrid Pitt (The Vampire Lovers, Countess Dracula), and Christopher Lee (The Curse of Frankenstein, Horror of Dracula).

What It's About: A straight-laced, tightly wound policeman (Woodward) investigates the disappearance of a young girl on a remote island where the local sensualism is not at all to his liking.

How It Is: Unfortunately, watching The Wicker Man for the first time without already knowing the final scene is about as hard as doing the same for Planet of the Apes. I very much liked Woodward's investigation and his stuffy disapproval of Summerisle's mores, but my enjoyment was tempered by my knowing exactly how things were going to end up.

It was a journey worth taking though. I don't end up liking any of the characters, but I don't exactly dislike them, either. Woodward's Sgt Howie is irritatingly judgmental, but he's also a good man on an honorable mission and his resistance of vice doesn't come easily to him. The villagers, on the other hand, have controversial moral views that would be considered illegal in most countries (including, technically, their own), but they're so good-natured about it. And if the whole community has bought in to this set of rules, then who is Howie to come in and question them?

Except of course that someone has written to the police, prompting Howie's investigation, so clearly everyone has not bought into all the community's practices. The movie raises fascinating questions about morality and culture and I appreciated exploring and thinking about them. (Almost as much as I enjoyed the soundtrack, which is amazing. The maypole song alone is worth watching the film for.)

Rating: 4 out of 5 Christopher Lees in drag.

Witchfinder General (1968)

Who's In It: Vincent Price (Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, the Gene Kelly Three Musketeers), Ian Ogilvy (Return of the Saint TV show), Robert Russell (Doctor Who: "Terror of the Zygons), and Hilary Dwyer (The Oblong Box, Cry of the Banshee)

What It's About: A young soldier (Ogilvy) seeks revenge against the witchfinders (Price and Russell) who murdered his friend (Rupert Davies) and raped his fiancée (Dwyer).

How It Is: It's Price in a completely despicable role, so automatically there's a hurdle. But on top of that, the amount of abuse piled on top of Sara (Dwyer) is so much that I found myself wondering what the point is. If I give it the benefit of the doubt and decide that the movie isn't just using torture for entertainment, I decide that Witchfinder General is the equivalent of War is Hell pictures where the whole point is to reveal the horror of its historical situation in a manner direct and unflinching enough that it shocks viewers out of complacency. That's a noble goal, but it doesn't make me like those movies.

Everyone is very good in their roles and Ogilvy is particularly good as the handsome and noble Richard. I love his response when he finds out what's happened to Sara. His reaction is complicated, but it's a complicated situation and I would have equally believed any of several possible attitudes he might have taken. That he picks the most compassionate and admirable one makes me like him even more.

Not to sideline Sara and how she processes these events. I'm just saving the best for last, because Dwyer is the MVP of the film. She doesn't have much - if any - agency in the story, but that's exactly the film's point about the experience of 17th century women in Britain. Richard may get to take action, but the movie is not a revenge fantasy. It's a horror movie, because it keeps coming back to Sara's point of view. Dwyer is relatable and lovable and what happens to her all through the movie is heartbreaking and terrifying. That makes Witchfinder General a really tough movie to watch, but it's completely effective in what it's trying to do.

Sidenote: It's amusing to me that Witchfinder General was renamed The Conqueror Worm when it was released in the US, purely to cash in on the success of the Price/Poe/Corman films from earlier in the decade. Roger Corman wasn't involved in Witchfinder General and Poe's poem "The Conqueror Worm" has no bearing on the movie (although it is related to The Tomb of Ligeia, since Poe had republished it in the source story for that movie as the creation of the Ligeia character).

Rating: 3 out of 5 Hilary Dwyers.

The City of the Dead (1960)

Who's In It: Christopher Lee (pretty much every Hammer horror film, Lord of the Rings, Attack of the Clones), Betta St John (Tarzan and the Lost Safari, Tarzan the Magnificent), Valentine Dyall (The Haunting), and Venetia Stevenson (Island of Lost Women)

What It's About: A young woman (Stevenson) investigates the history of witchcraft by visiting a remote village with a long, dark history. But practice of the occult may not all be in the town's past.

How It Is: Hard to talk about this one without SPOILERS, so beware.

The City of the Dead is a nicely atmospheric Satanic thriller with some cool performances. The structure threw me though, because I expected to follow Stevenson's character through the whole thing, but it turns out that she's basically Janet Leigh in Psycho. That was disappointing, partly because I liked her a lot, but also because the actual Final Girl (St John) is nowhere near as charming. In fact, she's downright dull.

The mystery of what's going on in the little village is predictable, but at least I was having fun watching Stevenson put the pieces together. Once she was out of the picture, I got impatient to wrap up.

Rating: 3 out of 5 midnight masses

24 Movies I Missed from 2016

I did pretty well with 2016 movies. In fact, my list of seen movies should be double the list of ones that I missed (assuming that I'm able to catch up on a couple of more this week like I plan). But I did miss a couple dozen that I wanted to see, so here those are; mostly to explain why some movies didn't make it into my rankings. As usual, I'm listing them more or less in the order that they were released:

1. Swiss Army Man



I don't know why I'm so fascinated with Daniel Radcliffe. I like the Harry Potter movies a lot and am enjoying the books (which I'm just now reading for the first time), but I'm not so huge a fan that I want to keep up with everything everyone Potter-related is doing. And yet, I'll see anything with Radcliffe in it.

Of course, the premise of a dead body who goes on adventures with a despondent man would intrigue me no matter who's playing the corpse.

2. Captain Fantastic



I feel like this can only end in heartbreak, but I love the idea of Viggo Mortensen experimenting with raising his kids outside of cultural influences and I really want to see the kids' stories once they have to interact with other people.

3. The Love Witch



Throwback to and parody of the lurid, semi-gothic horror movies of the '60s and '70s like what Hammer used to make. It just hit some festivals and had a small, limited release last year, so I'm waiting for it to hit home video. Hopefully by this Halloween.

4. The Wild Life



I heard almost nothing about this after it came out, which can't be a good sign. Of course, neither can the 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. But I'm up for a silly, animated version of the Robinson Crusoe story.

5. In a Valley of Violence



Neither Hawke nor Travolta are favorites of mine, but it's a Western and I did enjoy Hawke in the new Magnificent Seven.

6. Don't Think Twice



I'll see anything with Keegan-Michael Key at this point, but I'm also into exploring the politics when someone from an improv troupe hits it big and how that effects their relationships with the other members.

7. Hell or High Water



A modern-day Western with Ben Foster and Chris Pine.

8. The Red Turtle



Another animated movie about an island castaway. Probably not as silly as The Wild Life. The animation looks beautiful and I'm intrigued by its not having any dialogue. I love wordless comics, so I'm curious to see if I'll feel the same way about a wordless film.

9. Blood Father



Such mixed feelings, but this is exactly the kind of movie that I used to love Gibson in. I don't know if his offscreen issues are going to make this impossible to enjoy.

10. The Secret Life of Pets



Haven't heard good things, but the trailer made me chuckle.

11. Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates



I love all four of the people on this poster. Keeping my expectations low, though.

12. Ghostbusters



I was pretty stoked to see this and support the idea of it, but early reviews (from people who were also expecting to enjoy it) dampened my enthusiasm. I've also heard really good reviews though, so I'm eager to see it and form my own opinion. I just didn't make it to the theater.

13. Pete's Dragon



The original is cute enough, but it never grabbed me like the fully animated Disney movies from that time did. I think I always resented the live-action elements of it. So a remake was never something that I cared about one way or the other, but I've heard a lot of great things, including that it's an improvement on the original story. If nothing else, it's got Karl Urban.

14. Ben-Hur



Morbid curiosity. I love the silent version from 1925 and enjoy the '59 remake. I expect nothing but even more diminishing returns, but want to see what changes have been made and what's been kept for a modern audience.

15. Swallows and Amazons



Hasn't been released in the US yet, as far as I can tell, but as soon as it is, I'm all over this story of a bunch of English kids on vacation who split into rival factions and have adventures.

16. Imperium



My love for Daniel Radcliffe overcomes my disinterest in stories about undercover agents and white supremacist groups.

17. La La Land



You put Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in anything together and I'm there. Even more so if they're singing and dancing.

18. Nocturnal Animals



Wasn't sure about this based on the description, but the trailer nabbed me.

19. The Edge of Seventeen



Hailee Steinfeld is another person on my Gotta Watch list. And I've finally come completely around on Woody Harrelson. Used to not care a thing about his films, but then he made Zombieland and he's become increasingly endearing to me since.

20. Inferno



I've never read Dan Brown and I only sort of liked the previous movies in this series (Wait... did I see Angels and Demons? I forget.), but I like them enough - and I like the genre enough - to give Inferno a look, too. And hey, Jyn Erso.

21. The Rendezvous



Speaking of whatever genre the Dan Brown movies are in, here's one with Kate Beckett.

22. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back



Really like the first one. Heard this isn't nearly as good, but what the heck. It's Tom Cruise running with a gun.

23. Rules Don't Apply



Snow White and Young Han Solo. And it'll be nice to see Warren Beatty again. And crap, look at the rest of that cast: Haley Bennett, Ed Harris, Oliver Platt... and those are just my favorites of that list.

24. Collateral Beauty 



Was originally attracted to this as a feel-good, holiday film with some of my favorite actors in it, but I understand now that the trailer is completely misleading and that the movie itself is nuts (but not in a good way). So now I'm attracted to it as a crazy train wreck with some of my favorite actors in it.

31 Witches | The Witch of Endor

No, not this one



The other one:



"I saw gods ascending out of the earth." -- 1 Samuel, Chapter 28

Painting by Edward Henry Corbould

31 Witches | Morgan le Fay

"God be praised for these fine words. Be on your way now and rest assured I'll take the first opportunity that comes my way to do you ill." -- Morgan, Lancelot-Grail

Painting by Frederick Sandys.

31 Witches | The Three Witches

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." -- Second Witch, Macbeth

31 Witches | Baba Yaga

"Come out, babies... Grandmother wants to see you." -- Baba Yaga, "The Baba Yaga" by Mike Mignola

31 Witches (Bonus) | The Sea Hag

"Fool! Did you think you could trust the Sea Hag?" -- The Sea Hag, Popeye

[Suggested by that terror of the seven seas, Paxton Holley.]

31 Witches | The Old Woman in the Bread House

"Nibble, nibble, little mouse. Who is nibbling at my house?" -- The Old Woman, "Hansel and Gretel"

Illustration by Gustaf Tenggren.

31 Witches | Grimhilde

"Dip the apple in the brew. Let the Sleeping Death seep through. Look! On the skin! The symbol of what lies within. Now, turn red, to tempt Snow White, to make her hunger for a bite." -- The Evil Queen, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

31 Witches | The Wicked Witch of the West

"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" -- The Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz (1939)

31 Witches (Bonus) | Lucia, Dusty, and June

During the heyday of pinups, a big theme was to have women dressed in seasonal and holiday costumes, so of course there were lots of witches. I filled my Tumblr up with them last year, so you can see more there, but here's a tiny sample featuring (from top to bottom) Lucia Carroll, Dusty Anderson, and June Knight.

31 Witches | Morticia Addams

"I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just... I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade." -- Morticia, Addams Family Values (1993)

31 Witches (Bonus) | The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

I had a lot more fun than I expected at this. I'd written it off as derivative of the numerous monster-hunter movies that have come before it, but got to go to a press screening with Diane and David and we had a great time.

For those who've seen a bunch of monster-hunter movies, there's not much new in terms of plot, but it has some cool things going for it. I love Vin Diesel and he's doing his tough-tender thing here in the best way. Michael Caine is also a lot of fun as Diesel's younger associate and there's some genuine chemistry between the two of them. Rose Leslie is a unique presence too, which adds some unpredictability. And there's some great world-building with plenty of hints at things left unexplored for either sequels or just the imagination.

But the dialogue is pretty clunky, it does that thing with voiceover exposition to bring the audience up to speed, Elijah Wood's character doesn't deserve to have Elijah Wood play him, and a lot of the CGI is murky and uninspired (though not all of it; there are some cool moments).

For younger viewers - like my 13-year-old son - The Last Witch Hunter is a fine introduction to the genre. But even as someone who's seen a bunch of these, I found it to be enjoyable pulp, too.

31 Witches | Jennifer Wooley

"Ever hear of the decline and fall of the Roman Empire? That was our crowd." -- Jennifer, I Married a Witch (1942)

31 Witches | The White Witch

"You know that every traitor belongs to me as my lawful prey and that for every treachery I have a right to a kill... And so, that human creature is mine. His life is forfeit to me. His blood is my property." -- The White Witch, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

31 Witches | Witch Hazel (Disney)

"Oh, joy, thou dost believe in witches! Just for that, I'll help thee get thy candy." - Witch Hazel, "Trick or Treat" (1952)

GIF created by Gameraboy.

31 Witches | Wendy the Good Little Witch

"Great White Magic, hear my plea! Make this house as it used to be!" -- Wendy, Wendy the Good Little Witch #49: "The Super Broom"

31 Witches | Witch Hazel (Looney Tunes)

"Rock-a-bye rabbit in the hot oven! Into my mouth for dinner I'll shove him!" -- Witch Hazel, "Bewitched Bunny"