Never Say Never Again (1983) | Music

The music for Never Say Never Again is where we'll have to depart from the usual template for talking about these movies. Without John Barry, but especially without the rights to the Bond Theme, the music is what feels most off. And of course there's no opening title sequence; just credits over the first scene.

The score was created by prolific and award-winning composer Michel Legrand, who won three Oscars for music from Summer of '42, Yentl, and The Thomas Crown Affair. The Oscar for Thomas Crown was for Best Song: "The Windmills of Your Mind," which he wrote with Alan and Marilyn Bergman. And it was the Bergmans that he teamed up with again to write the theme song for NSNA.

Unfortunately, the song is crap. It's even lousy from a simple production standpoint. The opening horns are all warbly and for years I would watch the movie on VHS and think the tracking was screwed up or something.

It's performed by Herb Alpert's wife, Lani Hall, who took the gig after Bonnie Tyler turned it down. Tyler was having a career resurgence around that time with "Total Eclipse of the Heart," so she would have been a nice, high-profile artist to record the song, but she didn't like it. Hall's got a fine voice, but its not that interesting and "Never Say Never Again" just blends in with the other disposable easy listening ballads by women that had defined the Bond theme songs since The Spy Who Loved Me. "Nobody Does It Better" is a great - and great sounding - song, but I hate that that style dominated the series for so long.

The lyrics of "Never Say Never Again" are lame too, sung from the point of view of a woman who's just met an attractive, but emotionally unavailable man and is vowing to fix him. He's been hurt and has declared that he will love "never again," but she's going to beg him, get him, reach him, teach him, take him, and make him change his tune. I just wish we could change this one, too.

Top Ten Theme Songs

1. The Spy Who Loved Me ("Nobody Does It Better")
2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service instrumental theme
3. Diamonds Are Forever
4. You Only Live Twice
5. From Russia With Love (John Barry instrumental version)
6. Live and Let Die
7. Dr No
8. Thunderball
9. Goldfinger
10. From Russia With Love (Matt Monro vocal version)

Top Ten Title Sequences

1. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
2. Dr No
3. Thunderball
4. Goldfinger
5. From Russia with Love
6. The Spy Who Loved Me
7. Diamonds Are Forever
8. Live and Let Die
9. Moonraker
10. Octopussy

Never Say Never Again (1983) | Villains

Thunderball's villainous, but not that bright Count Lippe is turned into a nameless assassin in Never Say Never Again. There ain't much to him except he's played by frequent Indiana Jones henchman (and General Kael from Willow) Pat Roach. And he dies in an anticlimactic, unbelievable way.



Fatima Blush replaces Fiona from Thunderball, but she's so much crueler than Fiona. Fiona was ruthless, but Fatima is downright sadistic. And manic. There's a scene in the Bahamas where she thinks she's killed Bond and she's dancing alone, whooping it up to the Caribbean music, until she spots Bond and realizes that she failed. She suddenly gets very serious and stalks off to his hotel to plant a bomb, but when she passes another band, she can't help but grin enthusiastically, dance, and applaud them. Until she's past them and then she's all business again. It's like she can't help herself. She changes moods so quickly, like she's a prisoner to her whims.

Unlike Lady in Bahamas, who seems so comfortable in her solitude, Fatima's putting on an act. Everything about her is a delusion that she's created around herself and she's probably the saddest of any Bond character ever. That's why she can't accept that she's not the greatest sex of Bond's life.

Somehow, that ties into the crazy ass, overly complicated schemes she comes up with for killing people. I'm guessing that she can't just be a competent killer; she has to be an artiste about it. Just another mask for her bottomless cauldron of insecurities. She can't just plant a bomb in Jack's car; she has to toss a snake at him to get him to drive off the road first. She can't just shoot Bond with a spear-gun; she has to use a homing device and radio-controlled sharks. Frankly, I don't know how she's lasted as a SPECTRE assassin. Her doing so reveals some weakness on Blofeld's part.



Maximilian Largo is another debilitatingly insecure, psychotic member of SPECTRE. Why does Blofeld pick these people? Largo's façade isn't as desperate as Fatima's though and he's likeable as long as he feels in control. The difference between them is highlighted in a great scene at the casino party where Fatima questions Max's ability to leave Domino and Bond alone together. She's way more pissed about it than Max is, because if it were her, she would totally lose it. She can't stand the idea of not being the center of the universe and doesn't see how he can either. But Max has enough power at that point that he can at least keep his cool. He clearly doesn't like what's going on between Domino and Bond, but he assumes that he can force her back to him later on and everything will be fine.

That doesn't explain Max's fatal mistake though, which is letting Domino keep the necklace that identifies the location of one of the nukes. I suppose you could say that Bond drives him so crazy that he makes that error, but it doesn't ring true. About that same time, he also tells Bond where the other nuke is and he's pretty calm when he does it. I can't think of a plausible, in-story explanation, unfortunately. It's just the script rushing to wrap itself up.



Regardless of his inclination for hiring psychopaths, Max von Sydow's Blofeld is a perfect, full representation of the character in From Russia with Love and Thunderball. This is what he always should have looked and acted like.

Top Ten Villains

1. Auric Goldfinger (Goldfinger)
2. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Never Say Never Again)
3. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (From Russia With Love and Thunderball)
4. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
5. Maximilian Largo (Never Say Never Again)
6. Francisco Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun)
7. Dr. Kananga (Live and Let Die)
8. Doctor No (Dr. No)
9. General Gogol (For Your Eyes Only)
10. Karl Stromberg (The Spy Who Loved Me)

Top Ten Henchmen

1. Baron Samedi (Live and Let Die)
2. Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
3. Grant (From Russia with Love)
4. Nick Nack (The Man with the Golden Gun)
5. Gobinda (Octopussy)
6. Naomi (The Spy Who Loved Me)
7. Oddjob (Goldfinger)
8. Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)
9. Irma Bunt (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
10. Miss Taro (Dr. No)

Never Say Never Again (1983) | Women

Lady in Bahamas doesn't even get a name, but I like her for a couple of reasons. First, I dig that she's just hanging out in the Bahamas on her own vacation, doing some deep sea fishing. She flirts with Bond when she first meets him, but she's not falling over herself about him. She appears to be independent and confident.

The second thing I like about her is that she's played by Valerie Leon. Leon had a bit part in The Spy Who Loved Me as a hotel receptionist, but Hammer horror fans know her as Margaret/Tera in Blood from the Mummy's Tomb.



If you'd asked 16-year-old me his favorite Bond Girl, he would have told you Fatima Blush. But that was all about the thong. I might have told you it was also about her confidence, but grown-up me realizes how shallow her self-assurance really is. She's a fake and a super dangerous one.



It's tough not to compare Kim Basinger's Domino with the ones from the novel and the previous movie. Literary Domino is one of my favorite women in the books and Claudine Auger - despite her weakness as an actress - brings some heat and fury to the part that Basinger is sadly missing. In Never Say Never Again, Domino is more prop than character. That's mostly a script problem. She at least gets her revenge on Largo for the death of her brother, but the rest of the time she's weakly submissive to first Largo and then Bond. Basinger's still able to make her likeable, but I end up pitying her when I want to admire her. 

My Favorite Bond Women

1. Tracy Bond (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
2. Melina Havelock (For Your Eyes Only)
3. Paula Caplan (Thunderball)
4. Tatiana Romanova (From Russia With Love)
5. Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
6. Domino Derval (Thunderball)
7. Holly Goodhead (Moonraker)
8. Mary Goodnight (The Man with the Golden Gun)
9. Andrea Anders (The Man with the Golden Gun)
10. Honey Rider (Dr. No)

Never Say Never Again (1983) | Bond

Actors and Allies



The best among many things that I love about Never Say Never Again is that it's the swan song from Connery that we deserve. His performances in You Only Live Twice and Diamonds Are Forever were miserable, but in NSNA he's right at home. He may not be as spry, but he's as relaxed, engaged, and funny as he was in Thunderball.

M's relationship with Bond is curious. Bernard Lee's M was often cranky, but NSNA turns that way up. We see right away that Edward Fox's M has little use for the whole Double-O division, but he's also not too keen on Q-Branch. When Bond meets Q, that whole department has been largely de-funded and shoved into a sub-basement. M gives away his disdain for gadgets when Bond suggests that SPECTRE may have used a fake eye to put real nukes on the missing missiles. M practically rolls his own eyes right out of his head.

He's also frustrated with Bond personally. His response to news of the attack on Bond at Shrublands is, "Caught you seducing his wife, did he?" He also says that he's tempted to suspend Bond for his attitude, which seems unreasonable in the context of the scene, but really drives home that this is not the M we're used to.

That's really the major arc for the movie though. Bond doesn't change significantly as a result of his mission. He makes some noise at the end about retiring, but with a literal wink. The character who changes is M, who finally sees the value of Bond and the Double-Os once they save the world. By the end of the film, M's ready to send Bond out on more missions, hinting at future movies from Kevin McClory and Connery.

Those never happened of course, though McClory said in interviews at the time that he intended to do more. But as successful as NSNA was, no one was clamoring for a whole series of Thunderball remakes; the only Bond story McClory had the right to produce.

In keeping with the downsizing of his department, Q's attitude towards Bond is way different in NSNA than it is in the Eon movies. He's no longer a member of the establishment, so he doesn't have the same irritation at Bond's irreverence. In fact, he says that he's looking forward to the return of some "gratuitous sex and violence." The movie makes it clear though that this Q is not Major Boothroyd from the Eon films, but someone named Algernon.

Sadly, NSNA doesn't do well by Moneypenny. She comes across as dim-witted and never in on the joke. When Bond tells her that his mission is to "eliminate all free radicals," her response is an overly earnest, "Oh! Do be careful!" And when Bond chastises her for working late, saying that she should be in bed, she has no clue she's making a double-entendre when she replies, "We both should!"

I love Bernie Casey as Felix. He's my favorite of the actors to play that character up to this point. The part isn't written any more strongly than it is in the Eon productions, but Casey makes it memorable. Not just because he's a different race from the traditional Felix, but because he gives the character some personality besides just tagging along and watching Bond work. The only other actor I can think of that was able to do that was Jack Lord, but the personality he brought was kind of cranky. Casey's Felix has an easy, believable camaraderie with Bond. It's easy to imagine these guys as old friends.

As in Thunderball, Bond has a local agent assisting him. This time, it's Nicole (Agent 326). She's okay, but she's intentionally written as being green, unlike Thunderball's agent Paula who was experienced, tough, and brave. Instead of committing suicide to protect secrets, Nicole is simply murdered by Fatima.

The MVP of Bond's NSNA allies though is Nigel Small-Fawcett played by Rowan Atkinson. It's Atkinson's first feature film, but he'd already had success doing sketch comedy on British TV and had just started Black Adder when NSNA came out. By which I mean that he knew what he was doing and he's freaking hilarious. My favorite bit is when he's telling Bond about all of Largo's charity work and Bond adds, "I'm sure he's very nice to his mother." Nigel looks very pensive as he helpfully replies, "Don't know his mother..."

Best Quip



"To be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philadelphia," to Fatima's insistence that making love to her was the greatest pleasure of his life.

But there are several good ones, so a couple of honorable mentions:

"Then I shall cut out the white bread, sir," after M's explanation that free radicals are toxins caused by consuming too much red meat, white bread, and dry martinis.

"I shouldn't have the fish," to party goers as Bond takes away a groaning bouncer whom he's just punched in the stomach.

Worst Quip



"You could write a very binding contract with this," concerning Q's rocket pen.

Gadgets



The rocket pen comes in handy and so does the laser watch. Those are the two, personal-sized pieces of equipment that Bond uses.

Q also sends him a motorcycle, but it's disappointing compared to vehicles in the Eon series. It has a cool turbo boost that shoots flame out the back, but other than some questionable bumpers, it's really just a cool-looking bike. I kept expecting to see some rockets, but I must have been confusing it with Fiona's ride in Thunderball.

I hesitate to mention the XT-7B missile-fired hover platforms that Bond and Felix use, because they're US Navy property and not MI6 (like M would ever spring for those), but they're pretty cool and worth at least a shout-out.

Top Ten Gadgets

1. Lotus Esprit (The Spy Who Loved Me)
2. Aston Martin DB V (Goldfinger and Thunderball)
3. Jet pack (Thunderball)
4. Glastron CV23HT speed boat (Moonraker)
5. Acrostar Mini Jet (Octopussy)
6. Crocodile submarine (Octopussy)
7. Little Nellie (You Only Live Twice)
8. Rocket cigarettes (You Only Live Twice)
9. Ski pole rocket (The Spy Who Loved Me)
10. Magnetic buzzsaw watch (Live and Let Die)

Bond's Best Outfit



And I'm not just saying that to butter up Kelly. It's even better since that's what Bond's companion was wearing in the scene before.

Bond's Worst Outfit



I know he was just working out, but he has better exercise wear in this movie than this plain, frumpy sweatsuit.

Never Say Never Again (1983) | Story

Plot Summary

A new M has mothballed the Double-O section, but reinstates it and Bond when SPECTRE steals a couple of nukes.

Influences

Since Kevin McClory had the rights to Thunderball and SPECTRE, he made his own movie and convinced Sean Connery to return and play Bond. The title comes from Connery's promise to "never again" play the character, but he didn't like Cubby Broccoli and couldn't pass up the opportunity to ruffle those feathers.

How Is the Book Different?

Never Say Never Again sticks closely to its source material for legal reasons. McClory only had the rights to this one story. But he was able to mess around with details like locations, how particular events go down, and even characters' motivations and personalities.

Moment That's Most Like Fleming



One thing that NSNA keeps straight from the novel is M's sending Bond to Shrublands because M's a health nut. In the book, it's just a fad that M's latched onto, but we don't know NSNA's M well enough to know if that's it or if he's always this way. From the way he acts the rest of the time, you get the feeling that he's just got a big ol' stick up his butt.

Moment That's Least Like Fleming



Bond playing video games. You could argue that it's merely an update of Bond's general passion for gaming and I'd let you have it. It feels cynically contemporary to me, but that might say more about me than about the movie.

Cold Open



There's not really a cold open in NSNA. The credits start right away, but the scene they're running over sort of serves the same function as a teaser in the official series. It's a short adventure in which Bond infiltrates a jungle base, rescues a girl, and is betrayed and apparently murdered by her. It's easy to imagine this running without credits up until the point where Bond is stabbed. Then after the credits, they could open with the reveal that it was all a training exercise.

I'm not saying they should have done it that way though. I certainly see the rationale for not getting too close to the way Eon was doing things. All I'm saying is that it's easy to pull this scene out and compare it to the Eon teasers. But doing that, it doesn't stand up super well. It's nice to see Connery back in action, but there are no stunts or even really a story. It's a standard, '80s action movie sequence. Even so, it's still better acted than the Diamonds Are Forever teaser and more exciting than the From Russia with Love one, so it's gonna crack the Top Ten for now.

Top 10 Cold Opens

1. The Spy Who Loved Me
2. Moonraker
3. Thunderball
4. On Her Majesty's Secret Service
5. Goldfinger
6. The Man with the Golden Gun
7. For Your Eyes Only
8. Octopussy
9. Never Say Never Again
10. From Russia With Love

Movie Series Continuity



You wouldn't think there'd be any movie continuity in a film so separated from the official series, but NSNA builds in and refers to its own continuity and it's interesting how it potentially intersects with the Eon films. M is obviously not the same man whom Bond is used to working for. Bond mentions that since the new M took over, he's "had little use for the Double-Os." In fact, Bond's been stuck in a teaching gig and the training exercises are just to measure his fitness.

What's interesting to me is that Octopussy, released the same year, also introduces a new M (or at least a new actor, but I think of him as a whole different character). With the death of Sir Miles Messervy sometime after For Your Eyes Only, we've got two different scenarios that explore the results of two possible replacements. Octopussy's new M has a different temperament from his predecessor, but the same regard for MI6's traditional methods. The NSNA M feels very differently and only reactivates the Double-O section to deal with the new SPECTRE crisis.

It's also curious that when M starts talking about Bond's health, Bond anticipates that M's sending him to Shrublands. Bond's either heard of colleagues being sent there or has been sent there himself. The latter possibility raised a question for me about whether or not Thunderball happened in this timeline, but I shot that down quickly. It's madness to think that SPECTRE's pulled this exact scheme before and no one even mentions it.

A couple of other things leak in from the official series, though one of them is probably just pulling from the novels. That's the reappearance of Bond's Bentley, last seen in the movies in From Russia with Love. It's a different color than that one, but it's also a different color from the gunmetal gray car in the books. I love Bond's line about how it's "still in pretty good shape." He's obviously not just talking about the car. I wish the script would have left that subtle though instead of having Bond repeat the comment seconds later in explicit reference to himself.

The other thing NSNA has in common with the Eon films is Bond's notoriety. When Fatima Blush catches sight of him at Shrublands, she immediately identifies him as 007.