LXB | March Madness: The Winner

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Well that wasn't even close. Between Twitter and here, a little over 70% of you chose Jason Bourne over James Bond as the winner of the final round. The discussion followed my own train of thought pretty closely. On Bond's side are longevity and - let's be honest - tenacious loyalty on my part. I've been a Bond fan since childhood and it's painful to admit that a tougher spy may have come along, especially since Daniel Craig  has put the tough back into the character.

However, part of making him tougher is also making him more realistic. Craig's Bond doesn't rely on gadgets, so he's not as ridiculously superheroic as some of the earlier Bonds, but taking away those superpowers does weaken him. Yeah, Craig's Bond can fight better than any of the previous ones, but he's still human. I guess I'd compare him to Batman. Roger Moore was the Silver Age version who had a tool for every occasion in that utility belt; Craig is the modern Batman who still has some toys, but relies much more on his brain and his fists.

Bourne, on the other hand, is a machine. I compared him to Captain America at one point and I still think that's accurate. Bond is as good as a human can get on his own; Bourne had a little help from science to push him over the top. Not into cartoonish territory, but he has the edge on Bond and all else being equal (which I think it pretty much is), he wins.



You didn't have to vote for the winner to win the contest (I chose a random name out of all the entries), but of course the odds were in favor of that happening. Mark Juelich won the Super Spy: The Lost Dossiers graphic novel and Hanna DVD. Congrats, Mark! I'll contact you about getting you your prizes.

Thanks for all the great discussion everyone! This was fun! (Incidentally, Brian at Cool and Collected also picked Bourne to win the whole thing, though he got there on a much different route. Other LXB choices for top winner were Ash, John McClane, Bruce Lee, and two votes for Snake Plissken.)

CONTEST | U-DECIDE LXB's March Madness: Bond vs Bourne

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

I promise I didn't realize this ahead of time, but I'm thrilled that it came down to these two. Looking back at the list of contestants, it always had to.

I've got thoughts on how this would go, but I think it'll be more fun if everyone chimes in. It's been ages since I've run a contest, but let's try one. Simply vote in the comments field with who you think would win: Bond or Bourne. Or, if you prefer, tweet your answer to me @michaelmaycomix. I'd love to hear the rationale for your choice as well, but that's not necessary to win. Deadline is midnight CST, Monday, March 26.

Sometime on Tuesday, I'll compile all the entries into one list, pick one at random, and that person will win a spy-pack that includes Matt Kindt's Super Spy: The Lost Dossiers graphic novel and one of my favorite films from last year, Hanna on DVD. I'll announce the winner of the contest, the winner of the March Madness battle, and my own thoughts about Bond vs Bourne at the same time.

So get to voting!

LXB | March Madness: Jame Bond vs Jack Bauer

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Kelly from Byzantium's Shores made an interesting and valid comment on the Riggs vs Bauer fight and I haven't had a chance to string thoughts together about it until now. So instead of replying in the comments thread, I'll address it here. Kelly's point is that I may have let Jack Bauer have that fight too easily.

Bauer is pretty unstoppable, but in this abandoned city, I don't think he'd have all of the resources he's used to working with (he can't have Chloe hack into the security cameras and tell him where Riggs is, for instance). Plus, Riggs is more than a physical match for Bauer, he's got some martial arts skills of his own, he's probably orders of magnitude better than Bauer with a gun (Riggs is a crack marksman), and Riggs is very good at making creative use of the things around him. Plus, there's that whole dislocating-his-shoulder-at-will thing. Maybe Bauer wins, but it ain't easy for him.

Those are excellent points; especially about Jack's not having the resources he's used to. It's been a while since I've seen any of the Lethal Weapon movies or 24 (or really any of these movies), so my calls are based on whatever the strongest, overall impression is that I have of the characters. For Riggs, it's that he's crazy. For Jack, it's that he's tenacious and more or less amoral. But Kelly reminds me of some of the details that I was glossing over and sure enough, that would affect the outcome. For the sake of the scenario we're building, I'll stick with my original call, but let's certainly acknowledge that it's a much tougher fight for Jack than I suggested.

The question now is: how to apply Jack's weaknesses to a match against James Bond? Depending on the Bond we use, he can be as reliant on his organization's resources as Jack is, but since we've settled on Daniel Craig, that's not an issue. The Bond of Casino Royale and especially Quantum of Solace is very comfortable going off the grid and getting things done on his own. He's also as persistent and ruthless as Jack and I'll argue that he's more experienced too. Even if you don't count his previous incarnations - which I'm not - the mere fact that he's a Double-O counts for a lot more than the domestic terrorists Jack's spent his career fighting.

LXB | March Madness: Bourne vs Rambo

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Up until now, the photos I've used for Jason Bourne have been of him looking nonchalant or vaguely pissed off while his opponent postures as badassly (it is so a word; shut up) as possible. The reason being that Bourne's so tough that he doesn't need to pose or even get worked up to beat most of the guys in this tournament. But that doesn't apply to John Rambo.

This whole time, I've been thinking that Bourne comes out the winner of the whole thing. I hadn't thought it all the way through; that was just my gut. He's as superhuman as you can be without becoming Ash. But as I'm looking through images of John Rambo and reliving especially First Blood and Rambo: First Blood, Part Two, I'm reminded of how unbelievably tough and insane he is. I dinged Martin Riggs for being nuts, but his craziness comes from a death wish that can only hurt him in a tournament for survival. Rambo's insanity is all about survival.

I've said about a few other characters that they don't stop until the job gets done, but I think that's only because we haven't yet seen their limits. Their limits are way beyond a normal person's, but there's no reason to believe that they don't exist. For Rambo, I'm not sure that they do. On top of that, he's equally effective in urban and wild environments and capable of using either to kill you from miles away.

Jason Bourne, on the other hand, is a master strategist and a superstar at combat. Rambo's not going to catch him in any trap, so it's going to come down to sneaking up on Bourne and taking him out before he knows Rambo's there. But can Rambo do that? In the films, Rambo is jaw-droppingly effective against sheriff deputies and grunt soldiers, but Bourne is neither of those. Eventually, Rambo's going to have to fight Bourne hand-to-hand and as long and hard-to-win as that fight's going to be, I think the victor is clear.

LXB | March Madness: Martin Riggs vs Jack Bauer

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Though this is a close match in terms of toughness and ability, Bauer's (relative) sanity and lack of a death wish give him the clear edge. It's not a short match, but it is one with an easy-to-pick winner.

LXB | March Madness: James Bond vs Indiana Jones

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

I gave Indy an upset against Vin Diesel - and he's still going to cause trouble for Bond - but I think his luck and wits only get him so far against the world's deadliest spy. Though Indy can be lethal, it's always in that pulpy way of letting the villain kill himself with his own greed or incompetence. Bond is a stone-cold killer and that's going to give him the advantage in this fight.

LXB | March Madness: Jason Bourne vs Snake Plissken

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

As it should be, fights are getting tougher in Round 2. Jason Bourne is the Captain America of this tournament: he's as perfect as any human can expect to be without having actual superpowers. And then there's Snake Plissken who's so at home in this "airdropped into an abandoned city" scenario that it's practically his briar patch. If anyone was designed to excel at this contest, it's Snake.

It's a tough battle and it goes on for a while with Snake's running around and using the environment to his advantage, but in the end he's neither as smart nor as good at hand-to-hand as Bourne.

LXB | March Madness: Bruce Lee vs John Rambo

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Round 2 begins! And again my ignorance about Bruce Lee is going to influence my call, only not in his favor this time. As legendary as Bruce Lee is, he's all about the martial arts right? 'Cause you kind of have to get up close for that. And while Rambo can get really, really close without your knowing it, that's not the only trick in his repertoire.

Unless Bruce Lee has supernatural senses of some kind, I say Rambo takes him out long-range before he's even aware of it.

LXB | March Madness: Ash Williams vs Jack Bauer

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

This is another tough one, but for a different reason than some of the others. The problem is Ash, who - let's face it - is a cartoon character. We love him because he's impossibly awesome. He's a whiny, little dork who inexplicably becomes a badass demon hunter with resourcefulness that would make MacGyver jealous. It's difficult to imagine that a guy who can cut off his own, demon-possessed hand with a chainsaw could be beaten by anyone. On the other hand, he's cowardly and inept at times, only showing competence when he's killing demons and tossing out one-liners. So the question is: how seriously do we take him, and - by extension - this contest?

We have two choices: either we embrace Ash's cartoonishness or we consider him to be a real character with real flaws that can be exploited by an opponent. If we let him stay a cartoon: he wins the whole thing. It's like putting Bugs Bunny in the brackets. You're never going to kill him and sooner or later he's just going to drop an anvil on your head. The problem is that that makes the whole competition ridiculous and pointless. Or more ridiculous and pointless than I want it to be.

The second option's major problem is that it takes all the fun out of Ash. I hate to do that, but it's the lesser evil. If the contest is going to continue past this bracket, we've got to put Ash in the same arena as everyone else. That means acknowledging that he's extremely inventive and persistent when his life is on the line, but also kind of lazy and cowardly and fond of his own voice.

Jack Bauer on the other hand is a no-nonsense machine who does whatever it takes to get the job done. I think that while Ash is still making jokes, Jack caps him from a distance and moves on.

LXB | March Madness: Rocky vs Riggs

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Easy one. Especially for Riggs. Rocky Balboa has consistently been shown to be more about heart than ability. Once he finds a reason to fight, there's no stopping him, but it always takes a while to get him going. It's all about the build-up for him.

Riggs, on the other hand, is a crazy man with a gun.

LXB | March Madness: Indiana Jones vs Dominic Toretto

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

This is the most difficult one yet. I love Indiana Jones, but I don't usually think of him as a Tough Guy. Intrepid as hell, yes - except for snakes, of course - but he also gets beaten a lot. Whether it's Belloq stealing his loot or Nazis capturing him or giant mechanics and temple guards beating him up, Indy is extremely fallible. That (and his not letting it stop him) is part of his charm.

Dominic Toretto, on the other hand, is a Tough Guy. And he's not a dumb one either. He's a planner and his plans usually work out pretty well. If I were going to bet money on this match-up, I'd put it on Dom.

But here's the thing: In many ways, Dom's a nicer guy than Indy. Dom has a good heart and believes in second chances. Indy cheats and changes the rules to his advantage. He doesn't go toe-to-toe with his opponent unless he absolutely has to, and even then he figures out how to let his environment do the work for him. Dom's a schemer, but Indy thinks better on his feet. If Dom could end the match quickly, he'd have it, but I don't think he gets that chance. Indy's going to drag it out until he has what he needs to win.

It's an upset, but this one goes to Dr. Jones.

LXB | March Madness: James Bond vs John Connor

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

That's not exactly a fair photo match-up, but it accurately illustrates the outcome of this fight regardless of which versions of the characters we're talking about. If we match toughest with toughest, Daniel Craig still beats Christian Bale. And at their weakest: Roger Moore takes Edward Furlong.

I suppose we could get goofy and make Woody Allen the weakest Bond, but then we're going to have to allow Fetus John Connor from the first Terminator and I think even Woody Allen might be able to take him. The only way this works in Connor's favor is to let Christian Bale fight Woody Allen.

Unless we allow gadgets and count the T-800. I reckon Arnold Schwarzenegger trumps a wrist-mounted dart gun, but that seems outside the spirit of determining the toughest badass. Daniel Craig wins and for the purpose of the rest of this contest: he'll be our Bond.

LXB | March Madness: Snake Plissken vs Frank Martin

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

This is the hardest fight to call yet. So far, the Round 1 bouts have been unevenly matched, but Snake from Escape from New York and Frank from The Transporter are pretty close to each other in terms of badassery.

I think Frank probably has the upper hand for straight-up fighting ability. It reminds me a bit of the Bruce Lee/John McClane fight. Snake's an awesome scrapper, but Frank's got more moves.

The difference between this bout and that first one though is that Frank is no Bruce Lee. I don't imagine him dominating Snake the way that Bruce Lee would John McClane. He'd make it awfully tough on Snake, but in the end he's beaten by Snake's resourcefulness and willingness to do whatever it takes to survive. It's a close fight (and I'm willing to be argued with), but I think Snake would take it.

LXB | March Madness: Colonel James Braddock vs Jason Bourne

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

Who looks tougher? Answer carefully, because it's a trick question. Chuck Norris has a bandana and a huge gun, which he is firing. There's also an explosion going off behind him and he Does Not Care. Popular Internet Memes be damned though, he's over-compensating. The real badass in this match up is Jason Bourne.

Heck, all he has to do is sit there next to Julia Stiles and he still looks like he'll kill you before your next breath.  As Ben Caldwell pointed out on Twitter, a very likely outcome to this entire contest is that Bourne just kills everyone in the first round and then forgets he did it.

LXB | March Madness: Rambo vs Dirty Harry

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

This one's easy. As John Rambo demonstrated at the end of First Blood, he's unstoppable even in an urban environment. It's going to take more than a giant pistol and a catch phrase to beat him.

LXB | March Madness: Bruce Lee vs John McClane

For the first three weeks of March, we're going to answer the question, one match at a time, of who would win if 12 movie tough guys were airdropped into an abandoned city and only one could escape.

I'm not proud of this, but I don't think I've ever seen a Bruce Lee movie all the way through. In a weird way though, that makes him more dangerous to me. He's purely legend, which makes him tough to beat in my mind.

On the other hand, I've been a John McClane fan since the first Die Hard and one of the things I love about him is his scrappiness. He simply refuses to go down and always comes up with a way out of impossible situations. His defining moment for me is in Die Hard when he's pinned down by the bad guys' guns, barefoot, and the only escape route is covered in broken glass. I still remember thinking to myself that he was totally screwed, because my mind couldn't conceive of running across that glass in bare feet. John McClane gets done what needs to get done.

But...against the legend of Bruce Lee? There's going to come a point where John has to stop running and hiding and planning and just fight. And there's no way that fight lasts longer than about five seconds.

Winner: Bruce Lee. (BUT: I want this to be participatory as much as possible. Can you think of a way that McClane comes back from defeat and figures out how to win?)

LXB | March Madness of Badassery

This week's League of Extraordinary Bloggers assignment is epic. Since March Madness is right around the corner, Brian at Cool and Collected created this bracket of the top sixteen movie studs. The instructions are:

Imagine that these tough guys are airdropped into an abandoned city full of convicts, and only one can escape. Fill it out, or just write the play-by-play and let the world know who you think would win this ultimate cage match.

This, my friends, is too huge for just one post. So, I'm going to beg forgiveness for breaking the rules and intentionally missing the deadline. Instead, I'll hold off until next week when it's March for real and post a match each day for three weeks until we arrive at a winner. I don't know how in-depth I'll get (detailing blow-by-blow accounts would take more time than I'll likely have), but this is an awesome, cool idea and I want to at least be able to think through each match carefully and give you the chance to chime in with your own opinions about them. First up: Bruce Lee vs John McClane.