Never Say Never Again (1983) | Villains

Thunderball's villainous, but not that bright Count Lippe is turned into a nameless assassin in Never Say Never Again. There ain't much to him except he's played by frequent Indiana Jones henchman (and General Kael from Willow) Pat Roach. And he dies in an anticlimactic, unbelievable way.



Fatima Blush replaces Fiona from Thunderball, but she's so much crueler than Fiona. Fiona was ruthless, but Fatima is downright sadistic. And manic. There's a scene in the Bahamas where she thinks she's killed Bond and she's dancing alone, whooping it up to the Caribbean music, until she spots Bond and realizes that she failed. She suddenly gets very serious and stalks off to his hotel to plant a bomb, but when she passes another band, she can't help but grin enthusiastically, dance, and applaud them. Until she's past them and then she's all business again. It's like she can't help herself. She changes moods so quickly, like she's a prisoner to her whims.

Unlike Lady in Bahamas, who seems so comfortable in her solitude, Fatima's putting on an act. Everything about her is a delusion that she's created around herself and she's probably the saddest of any Bond character ever. That's why she can't accept that she's not the greatest sex of Bond's life.

Somehow, that ties into the crazy ass, overly complicated schemes she comes up with for killing people. I'm guessing that she can't just be a competent killer; she has to be an artiste about it. Just another mask for her bottomless cauldron of insecurities. She can't just plant a bomb in Jack's car; she has to toss a snake at him to get him to drive off the road first. She can't just shoot Bond with a spear-gun; she has to use a homing device and radio-controlled sharks. Frankly, I don't know how she's lasted as a SPECTRE assassin. Her doing so reveals some weakness on Blofeld's part.



Maximilian Largo is another debilitatingly insecure, psychotic member of SPECTRE. Why does Blofeld pick these people? Largo's façade isn't as desperate as Fatima's though and he's likeable as long as he feels in control. The difference between them is highlighted in a great scene at the casino party where Fatima questions Max's ability to leave Domino and Bond alone together. She's way more pissed about it than Max is, because if it were her, she would totally lose it. She can't stand the idea of not being the center of the universe and doesn't see how he can either. But Max has enough power at that point that he can at least keep his cool. He clearly doesn't like what's going on between Domino and Bond, but he assumes that he can force her back to him later on and everything will be fine.

That doesn't explain Max's fatal mistake though, which is letting Domino keep the necklace that identifies the location of one of the nukes. I suppose you could say that Bond drives him so crazy that he makes that error, but it doesn't ring true. About that same time, he also tells Bond where the other nuke is and he's pretty calm when he does it. I can't think of a plausible, in-story explanation, unfortunately. It's just the script rushing to wrap itself up.



Regardless of his inclination for hiring psychopaths, Max von Sydow's Blofeld is a perfect, full representation of the character in From Russia with Love and Thunderball. This is what he always should have looked and acted like.

Top Ten Villains

1. Auric Goldfinger (Goldfinger)
2. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Never Say Never Again)
3. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (From Russia With Love and Thunderball)
4. Ernst Stavro Blofeld (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
5. Maximilian Largo (Never Say Never Again)
6. Francisco Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun)
7. Dr. Kananga (Live and Let Die)
8. Doctor No (Dr. No)
9. General Gogol (For Your Eyes Only)
10. Karl Stromberg (The Spy Who Loved Me)

Top Ten Henchmen

1. Baron Samedi (Live and Let Die)
2. Fiona Volpe (Thunderball)
3. Grant (From Russia with Love)
4. Nick Nack (The Man with the Golden Gun)
5. Gobinda (Octopussy)
6. Naomi (The Spy Who Loved Me)
7. Oddjob (Goldfinger)
8. Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me)
9. Irma Bunt (On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
10. Miss Taro (Dr. No)

Solomon Kane (2009)

Who's In It: James Purefoy (Resident Evil, John Carter), Rachel Hurd-Wood (2003's Peter Pan, Perfume: The Story of a Murderer), Pete Postlethwaite (The Usual Suspects, Inception), Alice Krige (Star Trek: First Contact, Thor: The Dark World), Max Von Sydow (Conan the Barbarian, Never Say Never Again), and Jason Flemyng (Primeval, X-Men: First Class)

What It's About: A ruthless pirate (Purefoy) tries to walk the path of peace when he learns that the devil's after his soul, but you know how these things go.

How It Is: I don't know what took me so long to finally check this movie out. I've been interested in the character for decades and though I've never read a single story featuring him, he seems totally in my wheelhouse. Two things I've loved since childhood: Conan (and by association, Robert E Howard) and holy warriors. I couldn't have told you how much the holy warrior angle is focused on in Howard's Solomon Kane stories, but the guy dresses like a pilgrim and fights monsters. I'm guaranteed to like that.

I feel like I should talk a little about my fascination with the holy warrior trope, because it's a deep part of who I am. I'm repulsed by real life people who claim to kill on God's behalf, but enthralled with fictional explorations of that theme. Sort of how Prince always struggled with the juxtaposition of sex and spirituality in his music, I've searched for a way to reconcile brutality and belief. I haven't been successful in that search, but it hasn't stopped me from looking. I've never been a violent person - in fact, I'm quite the pacifist - but in my college freshman drawing class, we were asked to create self-portraits. My buddy drew himself completely naked with full frontal; I drew myself as the Terminator. The instructor was more shocked by mine.

I've been in exactly one fight my entire life. I was eight or nine and it was over quickly. It was probably a draw, since neither of us knew what we were doing. But though I've never thrown a punch in anger, I drew a lot of violent stuff as a kid and I loved and identified with dark, bloodthirsty characters like Conan and Blackbeard and the literary James Bond. That carried over into my faith too, and it was helpful that my Biblical namesake is the archangel who battles and defeats Satan in Revelation. I completely understood that the real Crusades were horrible and unjustifiable, but I was still intensely drawn to the paradox of being a knight for God. One of my favorite superhero characters of the '90s was Azrael, in part because of that awesome Joe Quesada costume, but also because of his struggle to remain sane and find some peace in his role as holy assassin for a secret, heretical sect of Christianity. So of course I've always been attracted to images of Solomon Kane.

One of the things I like most about the movie version is the amount of attention it gives to this contradiction between soldier and saint. Kane begins the movie as a pirate so bloodthirsty that he'd give Blackbeard a hard time. An encounter with a demon puts the fear of God into him though and he tries to reform. As he wanders, he meets a family of Puritans (led by Postlethwaite and Krige) and travels with them for a while, getting to know their two sons and daughter (Hurd-Wood). But when they enter territory controlled by an evil sorcerer (Flemyng) and his masked, psychotic general, Kane has to figure out how dedicated to peace he really is. Can he stand by and let horrible things happen when he has the skill to stop it? He knows beyond any doubt that picking up a sword will cost him his immortal soul, so what role will that play in his decision? And would such an act of self-sacrifice be enough to redeem Kane in some way?

Solomon Kane isn't a perfect movie. It treads some familiar plot territory and the special effects are satisfactory, but no more than that. But the acting is legitimately excellent and I'm impressed with the moral questions the movie raises and how it comments on them without offering pat answers. I don't know if Robert E Howard was as interested in that kind of thing, but I'm eager to read his version and find out.

Rating: Four out of five passionate pilgrims.