The Battle of Five Armies: Of Orcs and Epics [Guest Post]

By GW Thomas

As I sat watching the last of The Hobbit trilogy of films I realized something. We take so much for granted in the 21st Century. Imagine if I had a time machine and could go back to 1936. I'd step out (fighting the desire to find a newsstand and buy copies of Weird Tales in pristine condition) and meet some fan of Fantasy (after a very long search) and we'd talk. We could discuss Lord Dunsany, perhaps the recently deceased Robert E Howard, or ER Eddison's The Worm Ouroboros. Then I'd mention something about vast orc armies and I'd get a strange stare. Of course, Tolkien's The Hobbit hasn't been published yet. My mistake.

But it isn't the word "orc" that is the problem. It's the entire concept of vast, epic battles between men and orcs that is the stumbling block. The Battle of Five Armies is the first of these. My 1936 companion may be ready for the idea, but he hasn't got it yet. I jump back into my time machine, whispering one beautiful word in his ear, "Hobbit," and disappear. (Unfortunately the experience of seeing me disappear in my time machine drives him to read Amazing Stories or Astounding instead and we lose him from the Fantasy pool. What can you do?)

Eighteen years later my machine takes me to see Tolkien give us more with The Lord of the Rings. Tolkien's vast ideas are starting to light new fires like Carroll Kendall's The Gammage Cup in 1959, with its army of mushroom warriors. I jump another ten years to see the campuses of America (along with an unauthorized paperback edition) drive Tolkien's popularity to the point where Led Zeppelin is singing of Gollum and Ringwraiths. We are approaching critical mass...

In 1972, Gary Gygax is about to sit down with a bunch of buddies and Dungeons & Dragons is on. Those stats-driven warriors need something to fight. Of course, it has to be a goblin. After Tolkien's estate and Gygax hash out the copyright of certain terms, the deal is done. Pairing this with the success in 1977 of the Tolkien clone, The Sword of Shannara, epic fantasy is now set to boil. The creation of Derivative Fantasy! Anybody can write of such creatures! The world of Fantasy now has its generic monster, the Orc. In any video game, any book, any RPG, the orc is the opponent in armor that warriors face everywhere.

But it wasn't always so. That is my point. The idea took a long time to get here. As scholars such as Michael Drout point out, it began in 1872 with a children's book by a Scottish minister. The book was The Princess and the Goblin by George Macdonald. Scholars and fans make a lot of noise about William Morris starting off the Modern Fantasy genre with his pseudo-Medieval novels like The Wood Beyond the World (1894), and he was vital in insuring that Fantasy would become a genre dominated by novels. But it is Macdonald that gave us the goblin foe; who gave Tolkien the leg up to write The Hobbit; who gave CS Lewis the inspiration to write of animal and monster armies in Narnia. Macdonald's tale of Curdie and the princess Irene seems quaint by today's epic, grand scale. A common boy and a restless princess discover a plot by the goblins to attack the castle, which eventually leads to an armed conflict. Despite the fight being appropriate for children, it did open the door to Fantasy tales in which humans are versed against an inhuman army. Eddison would use it to create two human armies in The Worm Ouroboros (calling them Demons and Witches), but it was Tolkien's The Hobbit that cemented the idea for all time.

And one hundred years later that, resulted in the genrification of the orc as common military assailant. World of Warcraft; Orcs Must Die!; the latest hack Tolkien-esque bestseller. It's everywhere and its not going away any time soon. For better or worse, Fantasy has an epic scale today. The quaint, personal-sized Fantasy tale, be it the glorious works of Thomas Burnett Swann or even the Howardian tale of the lone barbarian, is awash in a sea of orcs and battle. There's not much you can do...

For example, back around 1988, I met L Sprague de Camp at a convention in Calgary. I spoke with him about a project I had abandoned, that of converting his Novaria novels to an RPG setting. He thought I should keep at it, but I knew ultimately it wouldn't work. Why? No orcs. No elves. Novaria is a Fantasy world filled with humans. There are demons and magic, but all the armies are men. You can't fight the tide with your bare hands.

So there I sat this Christmas, watching what I felt was the best of the three Hobbit films, thinking: all Fantasy writers today have to make their peace with Tolkien and his orc armies. Either you accept them as part of what you are writing or you have to reject them and write something that is inherently anti-Tolkien. There is no middle ground any more. A book I read over the holiday made this even more evident to me. It was Conan the Invincible (1980) by Robert Jordan. In that rather pedestrian tale, Conan's enemy wizard has a race of scaly-skin henchmen called the S'Tarra. They are hidden in his castle fortress, breeding and preparing for the taking over of the world. Is it any surprise Jordan gave up writing Conans for pseudo-Tolkien in The Wheel of Time series?

Another author of note, one who shares Tolkien's double middle initials (Raymond Richard, not Ronald Reuel), is George RR Martin. Martin's Song of Fire and Ice shows a new ingenuity with this Tolkien dilemma. Martin has combined the two most commercially successful Science Fiction (Dune) and Fantasy (Lord of the Rings) franchises to create the Game of Thrones books. This sounds like I am disparaging him but this is far from the truth. I have the highest respect for GRRM. First off, for his amazing story writing before Game of Thrones with classics like "Way of Cross and Dragon" and "Sandkings," but secondly for his masterful control of character, which allows us to watch or read a story with dozens of distinct characters, each worthy of a tale of their own. So I glibly say "combined the political essence Dune and the fantastic world of LOTR," but go ahead; try it.

Really what George was doing was that thing we must all do as modern Fantasy writers. Dealing with Tolkien. I believe GRRM has chosen to accept Tolkien, and though we haven't seen much of it yet, "Winter is Coming." What does that mean? Orc (or White Walkers and Wildings) armies. Tolkien is coming and George has the cajones to make us wait through six fat books for it. Long live the orc! He's going to be with for some time yet.

GW Thomas has appeared in over 400 different books, magazines and ezines including The Writer, Writer's Digest, Black October Magazine and Contact. His website is gwthomas.org. He is editor of Dark Worlds magazine.

11 movies I really dug in 2013

Counting down the 2013 movies I saw, from worst to best.

20. Machete Kills



What separates Machete Kills from the action flicks on Monday's list is love. It's not demonstrably better crafted than say 2 Guns or Homeland, but what it lacks in finesse it makes up in passion. I don't love everything about Machete Kills, but I love a lot about it, and I especially love that Robert Rodriguez is able to make exactly the kinds of movies he wants and that his enthusiasm is all over the screen.

Top 10 Movies of 2012

10. Pitch Perfect



Movies get bonus points for coming out of nowhere and surprising me, which is exactly what Pitch Perfect did. I like Anna Kendrick and a capella singing just fine, but neither would typically be enough to get me to the theater by themselves. What I do love are movies about contests that We've Just Gotta Win and this one is hilarious (especially - but not only - thanks to Rebel Wilson).

9. The Dark Knight Rises



Not as great as The Dark Knight, but it's a good finale to Christopher Nolan's trilogy. It proved once and for all that Nolan's Batman is not the comic-book Batman, but I'm okay with that. I not only like the way Nolan finishes the series, I wish the comics would wrap up the same way.

The thing I was most excited about for this film though was seeing Catwoman and it didn't disappoint me on that level. Anne Hathaway narrowly edges out Julie Newmar as my favorite Catwoman (only because Newmar's version had a touch of crazy that I don't think the character needs).

8. The Cabin in the Woods



Embraces most of what I love about horror movies while making fun of everything I hate. The ending isn't perfect, but the rest of it sure is.

7. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel



I'm a sucker for elderly British people and stories about second chances. This was right in my wheelhouse on so many levels.

6. Skyfall



I haven't actually talked to anyone who's called Skyfall the best Bond movie ever, but I've heard that such people exist. If I were to meet someone with that point of view, my response would be, "Really?" Because I don't think they're thinking that through very well.

Skyfall is a lot of fun, it's gorgeous, and it works both as the 50th anniversary of the Bond series and as the finale of the trilogy started in Casino Royale. I especially love it from that last perspective. Say what you want about Quantum of Solace's dumb story and boring villain, but one thing that film did right was continue the story of Bond's relationship with his country as personified by M. Skyfall pays that story off in a beautiful way while also reintroducing elements from the pre-Casino Royale films that I didn't realize how much I'd missed. It's also got a great villain and covers its themes in interesting ways. It's a great Bond film.

But the best ever? No way. It owes too much to the early Connery films to seriously consider letting it surpass them. I'm not even sure I like it as much as The Living Daylights or Casino Royale.

5. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey



My including The Hobbit this high on the list is all the evidence anyone needs to verify that this Top 10 is my personal one and not an attempt at the 10 Objectively Greatest Movies of the year. If I were being objective about it, I'd agree with the critics who point out that Peter Jackson is indulging his every whim at the expense of telling a tight story. There's a reason that he released a Theatrical Cut of the Lord of the Rings films and then an Extended Edition for DVD. A lot of people simply don't have the patience to sit through scenes that legitimately could have been deleted to improve the pacing.

That said, I'm solidly in the camp of people who will only ever watch the Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings. I love all that extra stuff. I love seeing Middle Earth that fleshed out. I absolutely don't mind seeing Jackson do the same thing with The Hobbit. But I also can't be too harsh on those who do mind it. Jackson risked alienating those folks when he chose not to release a shorter, theatrical version, so it's fair for them to say it didn't work for them.

Even for me, it's not perfect. With Lord of the Rings, I love pretty much every change Jackson made to Tolkien's novels, but I miss the Bilbo that was blustered out his front door and into adventure by Gandalf in the book. Jackson's Bilbo begins his journey too eagerly for my taste. He's too heroic too early. It felt right as I watching it, so maybe I'll re-evaluate after I've seen all three films, but it feels like Jackson needed to speed up Bilbo's character development in order to make him more likable in this installment of the trilogy.

That - and the fact that it is the first installment in a trilogy instead of a complete story - keeps The Hobbit from being higher on my list.

4. Mirror Mirror



I've already written about Mirror Mirror a couple of times, so I'll spare us all another review. I really, really love this movie though.

3. Les Misérables



I knew I was going to have problems with this movie from the first time I saw the trailer and teared up listening to "I Dreamed a Dream." And I was right. Through the whole film, if I wasn't crying over the human misery, I was crying from the joy of hearing those songs again.

I've seen Les Misérables on stage a few times. It's my favorite musical and the reason I think Phantom of the Opera is over-rated. So I'm very familiar with the songs, but I don't own a cast recording and can't listen to them any time I want. I've never cared about hearing the songs outside of the context of the story as presented by actors.

But because I love those songs - and the story - so much, I've longed for a version with actors that I could own and watch whenever I want. In other words, I've been wanting this movie for about twenty years. And it was everything I hoped it would be. (Even Russell Crowe, who isn't an especially strong Javert, but has a perfectly lovely singing voice outside of that.)

The only reason Les Misérables isn't higher on my list is because I can't separate it from my feelings about the stage production. I don't know how I would've felt about it if I wasn't already in love with it from the moment it was announced.

2. The Avengers



Oh, wait... I mean the other Avengers movie about a red-headed spy in a black catsuit.



I seriously reconfigured my Top 3 movies I don't know how many times right up to the point of writing this post. There was a long time this year that I couldn't imagine any movie bumping The Avengers from first place.

A lot of my love for the movie is because it never should have worked. If I've learned anything from a lifetime of movie watching, it's that movies are never as awesome as we hope they'll be. From the moment Samuel L. Jackson appeared at the end of Iron Man, we were all thrilled by the notion of an integrated universe of Marvel superhero films all leading to an all-star Avengers movie. But admit it, you didn't think it would deliver, did you? I certainly didn't. It couldn't possibly live up to the awesomeness of its premise.

Except it did. It totally did.

And, in the process, it gave us the Hulk movie we'd all been waiting for.

1. Looper



Outside of its being really stinking good, the reason Looper is number one on my list is because it's not based on something I already loved. I had to give it bonus points for being a completely original story about characters I'd never heard of before. And what a story.

I dig a good, tightly plotted time-travel story as much as the next person, but what I really love are stories that make me think and re-evaluate my opinions about people. I can't talk about how Looper does that without going into spoilers, but it's so much more than just a fun, scifi movie and deserves to be Number One.

LXB | My Ten Favorite Movies

This week's League of Extraordinary Bloggers assignment is simple, but difficult. Inspired by summer blockbuster season, Brian asks, "What are your Top Ten Movies?"

I'm always nervous about making these kinds of lists. My Top Two rarely change (though I do swap them back and forth and I've recently redefined how I think of one of them), but the rest of the list is hugely dependent on a) my ability to remember all the movies I love and b) my feelings about those movies at the exact moment I'm making the list.

So, with the major caveat that this is my list for right this very second, here we go. I'll look forward to reading the rest of the League's answers so that I can kick myself for not thinking of some of their movies. I'm already trying to figure out if Breakfast Club or The Lost Boys should depose any of the films on this list.

10. Dr. No



It's really tough to pick a favorite James Bond movie. I narrowed it down to this one and Casino Royale, but From Russia With Love, Thunderball, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, For Your Eyes Only, and The Living Daylights were also tempting. In the end, I went with Dr. No because it's the first. When I watch it, I'm not just thrilling to Sean Connery, Jack Lord (my favorite Felix), and Ursula Andress in the tropics; I'm thrilling to the knowledge that I'm going to watch the rest of the series as soon as I finish it.

9. Night of the Demon



For my full thoughts on this horror masterpiece, check out the guest post I wrote on That F'ing Monkey. The short version is that it's an awesome mash-up between horror (both supernatural and psychological) and film noir by one of the masters of both genres.

8. Atlantis: The Lost Empire



Contains just about everything I want in an adventure movie. Undersea adventure, a lost civilization, weird technology, an eccentric billionaire, a stunning femme fatale, a jungle girl, Mike Mignola designs, a giant submarine, a diverse ensemble of complicated adventurers, and humor that works no matter how many times I watch it.

7. Pirates of the Caribbean (the initial trilogy)



I'm cheating by cramming three movies into one entry. I know that. I'm going to do it again later in the list, but that trilogy was at least always a trilogy and it stopped when the story was complete. I can't say that about the first three Pirates of the Caribbean films. The Curse of the Black Pearl is a standalone film that became part of a trilogy when it turned out to be successful. And when the trilogy ended, the series continued. It feels haphazard to just pick the first three movies in a four (so far) movie series and try to make one entry out of them.

And yet, those three movies are undeniably a complete story. The fourth one starts something new and doesn't get to hold onto the coattails of the first three, but I'm counting the saga of Elizabeth Swann and Jack Turner as a single tale.

6. Raiders of the Lost Ark



Much like what happened with another popular series from my childhood, I've recently accepted that I'm not an Indiana Jones fan; I'm a Raiders of the Lost Ark fan. I do like those other movies, even Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls, but I don't love them like I do Raiders. All of them have one element or another that I don't care for, but I love pretty much everything about that first one.

5. Love Actually



It really is just about perfect. The only stories that don't completely work for me are Laura Linney's and Alan Rickman/Emma Thompson's, but only because they're painful. They're also completely honest and vital to exploring the film's central theme, so I'm really not dinging it for including them. And otherwise, it has some of my favorite actors playing my favorite kinds of characters that they play in a funny, heart-warming, Christmas movie with a great soundtrack. And it makes me cry. That, it turns out, is an easy way to get on my Top Five.

4. Finding Neverland



Another movie that makes me cry. I explained why a couple of years ago and why at one point I had this in my Number One spot. It could easily be there again. It probably wouldn't take anything more than my watching it more recently than some of these others. Most of these rankings are dependent on how recently I've seen or thought about each individual film.

3. The Lord of the Rings trilogy



I haven't written much about The Lord of the Rings, either the novels or the films. I don't know why that is; the films are some of my favorites because of how well they communicate the novels' most powerful themes. Much more than just Good vs Evil, Lord of the Rings is about faithfulness, redemption, friendship, loyalty, overcoming prejudice, fighting for justice, and seeing the value of the unvalued. It's that last theme - particularly in the scene where the entire nation of Gondor bows before four, small, humble Hobbits - that makes me blubber every time I watch it.

2. Casablanca



I've written about this a couple of times: once in trying to pick a favorite character and again just gushing about the whole movie. It's a heart-wrenching, exciting, hilarioius, absolutely captivating film.

1. Star Wars



I've written about this one most recently, which may explain why it's at Number One for now. It's been slowly moving down the list over the years, but that's because - similar to Pirates and Lord of the Rings - I insisted on making one entry of the entire saga. Now that I've pruned my affection down to just the first film, Star Wars zooms back to the top again. Though it doesn't make me cry, there really is no other movie I love more or is as influential on my life.

Art Show: Let's Hunt Some Orc!

I've got enough backlog that I'm going to go to three Art Show posts a week for a while.

Treasure Ship



By J Allen St John. [Golden Age Comic Book Stories]

Building the Nautilus



By Jeremy Vanhoozer.

The Mermaid and the Shark



By Jessica Hickman.

After the break: Aquaman 2099, The Six Million Dollar Man vs Bigfoot, She-Hulk, Mary Marvel, Sucker Punch, Hobbit hunters, and giant, apocalyptic cephalopods.

Art Show: A Golden Princess Who Ruled with Singing Whip!

Tiger Girl



By Joe Doolin. [Illustrateurs]

Sheena



By Nicola Scott. [Pink of the Ink]

After the break: Red Sonja, a school-girl monster-hunter, the JLA, Aurora, a giant flying monkey, and Al Williamson tributes.

The Awesome List: That's What Marnie Said

Tonner's Lord of the Rings dolls



These ain't no action figures.

After the break: Robin Hood, giant robot chess, Alfred Hitchcock meets Michael Scott, and more.

Movie News: Iron Man vs Sub-Mariner

Namor references in Iron Man 2?



Comic Book Movie makes a pretty good case.

Sherlock Holmes 2



On the way. [/Film]

Runaways director and screenwriter



Still excited to see this moving forward. The director's the guy who did Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. [/Film]

After the break: a Resident Evil 4 poster, a Logan's Run remake, troubles with The Hobbit, and Harrison Ford won't say "fluffy."

Art Show: This looks like a job for -- blub blub blub...

Nautilus vs Squid



By Myke Amend [Admiral Calvin]

Diver Down!



By Schiani Ledo.

Where Aquaman Goes to Change into His Superhero Outfit



No idea who made this, but I want one. [Epic Win FTW]

Jesse James vs Machine Gun Kelly



By Greg Jolly. From a comic I helped write.

Black Canary



By Marcus To [Temple Library Reviews]

Frankenstein



By Kevin Nowlan [Frankensteinia]

Zatanna



By Craig Rousseau.

Eowyn



By Michael W Kaluta [Golden Age Comic Book Stories]

Thor



By Marc Basile. [Kirby-Vision]

She-Hulk



By Jonboy Meyers.

10 Favorite Movie Characters: Adaptation Edition

Siskoid started it this time. Since we both limited our original 10 Favorite Movie Characters lists to characters who'd originated in movies, he thought it would be fun to do a separate list of characters adapted from other media. And so did I.

I didn't start off with extra rules for myself this time, but in order to trim my list down to 10 (from an original 23) I decided that the final cut would be made up only of characters where I actually prefer the movie version to the original. I'll list the other 13 at the end without much in the way of additional comments.

Incidentally, I'm glad I waited to read Siskoid's list until after I finished my own. His would have heavily influenced mine since I also love - amongst others - Michael Caine's Alfred and JK Simmons' Jonah Jameson.

1. Robin Hood (Robin Hood)



I didn't see Errol Flynn's version of Robin Hood until I was an adult, so my childhood image of the character was shaped mostly by Howard Pyle's thorough, but mostly dry accounts of his exploits. As a result, I loved the idea of Robin Hood, but didn't truly fall in love with the character until Disney turned him into a dashing, cunning, swashbuckling fox (whom I still prefer to Errol Flynn, by the way).

2. Henry V (Henry V)



Kenneth Branagh is single-handedly responsible for making me fall in love with Shakespeare. His performance in Henry V is what did it. Until then I thought Shakespeare's history plays were pretty dull, dry stuff (I'd never seen one performed at that point), but Branagh brought it to life. He made it exciting to watch young, foolish Prince Hal transform himself into a competent and inspirational leader.

3. Gomez Addams (Addams Family, Addams Family Values)



Let's face it: Gomez Addams in Charles Addams' cartoons doesn't have a lot of personality. And though John Astin is funny and charming as the character, he doesn't equal the hilarious, manic insanity of Raul Julia's performance. Julia made me want to be Gomez. (Though Angelica Huston as Morticia didn't make the fantasy any less appealing either.)

4. Hawkeye (The Last of the Mohicans)



I couldn't make it all the way through James Fenimore Cooper's famous novel. Conversely, I can't stop watching the Michael Mann movie. One of my favorite things to do is watch Daniel Day Lewis play dapper, stuffy Cecil in A Room with a View and then immediately watch him as the iconically rugged Hawkeye. His range as an actor blows my mind.

5. Porthos (The Three Musketeers)



The literary Porthos is okay, but he's also an arrogant, vain blowhard. Platt's version, on the other hand, is a dashing pirate. I wish this production would've spent some money on costumes, because other than that it's my favorite adaptation of The Three Musketeers.

6. Rogue (X-Men)



I've always been a big fan of Rogue and by all rights I should have hated the changes they made to her in X-Men. But Anna Paquin made me love her all over again as a completely different character by combining the least annoying parts of Kitty Pride with the pathos of Rogue. And Paquin is such a talented actress that I root for her so much harder than I root for the comics version (who, frankly, can be infuriating at times).

7. Boromir (The Fellowship of the Ring)



I hate Boromir in Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring. He's a whiny, deluded, backstabbing bastard. I get that we're supposed to think he's more than that, but we're not given any reason to see him as more. Not until Sean Bean came along we're not. Thanks to him and Peter Jackson's script, Boromir becomes a tragic character that I deeply wish could've come to a different end.

8. Susan Pevensie (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)



I saw the Narnia films before I read CS Lewis' series and wow was I ever disappointed in Susan as Lewis wrote her. The film version of Susan is the most hesitant of the Pevensie siblings, but she eventually comes around and her early reluctance makes her final acceptance that much more sweet and powerful. I like her much more than Lucy who seems to come to faith so easily. Susan's more relatable because she has to work so hard. Unfortunately, Lewis' Susan never overcomes and becomes a symbol of lost faith. What a rip off.

9. Tony Stark (Iron Man)



Comics Tony Stark: Rich jerk who's only interesting when he's making me hate him for killing Captain America.

Movie Tony Stark: "I'm sorry. This is the fun-vee. The humdrum-vee is back there."

10. Scotty (Star Trek)



Absolutely no disrespect intended to James Doohan who eventually turned Scotty into a sweet, lovable character, but his young Scotty wasn't sweet and lovable. Maybe I'm missing the point (and let me know if I am), but as far as I can tell he was mostly there to fix the ship, run the transporters, and occasionally make us chuckle. Simon Pegg's Scotty, on the other hand, was the brightest spot in an already fun, bright movie.

Characters I like about the same as the versions they're adapted from:

• Ebenezer Scrooge (pretty much every version of A Christmas Carol)
• James Bond (as played in Doctor No, From Russia with Love, Thunderball, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, For Your Eyes Only, The Living Daylights, Goldeneye, Casino Royale, and Quantum of Solace)
• Frankenstein's Monster (as played in Bride of Frankenstein)
• Captain Blood (as played by Errol Flynn in Captain Blood)
• Jayne (Serenity, which is kind of cheating since it was the same actor playing the same character from Firefly, but still...)

Adapted characters I like, but have never seen or read about the original version:

• Lucy Honeychurch (A Room with a View)
• Amos Starkadder (Cold Comfort Farm)
• Mouse Alexander (Devil in a Blue Dress)
• Severus Snape (the Harry Potter films)
• John Rambo (First Blood)
• Cal McAffrey (State of Play)
• Mr. Knightley (Emma)
• V (V for Vendetta)