Jason Copland guest stars in Masks & Mobsters

Comic Buzz has a preview of the fourth issue of Masks & Mobsters, Joshua Williamson's crime anthology series from Monkeybrain Comics. It just so happens to feature art by my Kill All Monsters! partner, Jason Copland, which means that it looks amazing. Check out the preview and if you like what you see, order up a digital copy for yourself on comiXology.

13 Movies I Hated in 2012

Since I'm basically counting down to my Top 10 at the end of the month, here's the bottom of the list, in order from most hated to least.

43. Wrath of the Titans



I wasn't going to see this after learning my lesson with the Clash of the Titans remake, but my son loves Greek mythology and enjoyed Clash, so he was looking forward to it and we went. He's ten and enjoyed it, but it taught me that when Sam Worthington says he's only going to do a sequel because they fixed all the problems with the first one: Do Not Believe Him.

42. Safe House



No surprises in this movie and I so did not care what happened to anyone in it.

41. Dark Shadows



Should've been called Wasted Talent. I love pretty much everyone in this movie, but it was a boring, nonsensical mess.

40. Taken 2



There was one point in Taken 2 where I thought they might have found something interesting to do with these characters. After the events of Taken, I can understand why Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace's characters may have turned a little dysfunctional with Neeson's being overprotective and Grace not really sure whether she appreciates that or not. That would've been a cool dynamic to explore, especially if Grace then had to turn around and save Neeson somehow, but it was dropped in favor of simply remaking the first one.

39. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter



Great premise, but it was a mistake to try to fold in Lincoln's entire life. The adventures of Young Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter would have been enough. Skipping ahead and telling a whole, second story of Old Lincoln was too much. Plus, these vampires really aren't that interesting.

38. Resident Evil: Retribution



I'm a big, big fan of the Resident Evil movies, but this was a horrible entry. It does very little to advance the series' overarching plot, but it's also weak even as a standalone movie. It sets up a mission, explains what the heroes have to do to complete that mission, then shows them doing it. Yawn.

Also, it introduces some smart, badass, new characters, then has them do extremely dumb and weak things just to prolong the drama.

37. American Reunion



This was my first American Pie movie, so I had no nostalgic attachment to it. Mostly I just wanted to see what everyone's been talking about all these years and watch Alyson Hannigan and Seann William Scott in these roles that they became famous for. Unfortunately, it was more gross and creepy than funny.

36. Wanderlust



This was actually funny, but I have a problem with adultery's being introduced to push a plot along without dealing with the emotional fallout from it. I know it's my own hang-up, but I've seen cheating seriously screw up too many of my friends' marriages. There are always repercussions and it feels cheap to me when cheaters are let off the hook too easily. By all means, have some adultery in your movie. Just deal with it honestly when you do.

35. Seven Psychopaths



I wanted a fun, Guy Ritchie-esque crime movie, not a deconstruction of that genre with nothing new or interesting to say about it. There are some fun - even great - performances (Walken!), but even then I felt ripped off by how little Olga Kurylenko is in it.

34. Battleship



I was seriously surprised that this isn't my most hated movie of the year, but there was some genuinely fun, pulpy adventure in between all the cynical, stupid predictability.

33. This Means War



More fun that it deserved to be, mostly because all three stars are so likable. But it's an implausible story, both in how Chris Pine and Tom Hardy use government resources, and in the decision Reese Witherspoon makes at the end.

32. Snow White and the Huntsman



I might would have liked this more except that it was supposed to be the good Snow White movie this year and it sucked in comparison to the utterly lovable Mirror Mirror. Singing dwarves work for The Hobbit, but they're laughable here. Kristen Stewart looks as sleepy and bored as ever and there is NO WORLD in which she's fairer than Charlize Theron.

Still, Theron does a fantastic job and I love the motivations the film gives her character. And Chris Hemsworth is always cool.

31. Total Recall



I'm not a huge fan of the original, so I wasn't opposed to the idea of remaking it, but this version commits a multitude of sins. It tries to update the plot, but leaves gaping holes in the process and doesn't present some key scenes as effectively as the original.

You know what covers a multitude of sins though? Kate Beckinsale kicking ass. Which she totally does all over this movie.

Recasting Beast from Haunted Cave

Beast from Haunted Cave is a 1959 crime drama disguised as a horror movie. It's really good as a crime drama, but only mildly interesting as a horror film. The monster is pretty cool and original - it's a cobweb-covered, humanoid creature with long, spider-like legs - but the budget was so low that we barely see it. And when we do see it, we sort of wish we hadn't. With modern effects, that monster could look really cool, but the challenge would be to keep the focus on the crime story. That's what makes the movie unique.

Alex Ward (Ryan Gosling)



Alex is the antagonist, not the main character, but he kicks the story off. He's a bank robber planning an elaborate heist in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

You don't get a good sense of the Black Hills in the original, black-and-white movie, but it's beautiful country and would make a fantastic location for a crime thriller like this. It's also wild enough to believe that there could be strange, undiscovered creatures living there.

Back to Alex, he's a ruthless man with a nasty sense of humor who rules his gang - and his girlfriend - with an iron fist. He's charming on the surface, which is how he gains trust and avoids suspicion, but he's pure evil underneath. Ryan Gosling can play both of those qualities equally well.

Gypsy Boulet (Mila Kunis)



Alex's girlfriend - though she's posing as his assistant in the gang's cover story - and our protagonist. She's all in for the heist until she meets Gil, the ski instructor Alex has hired to take the gang across country once they've committed the heist. Gil doesn't know what Alex and his gang are up to, so his innocent lifestyle is attractive to Gypsy, who discovers a peace with him that she didn't even know she craved. Whether or not she's willing to give up her life with Alex though is another story altogether.

Mila Kunis has super expressive eyes, all the better to communicate a woman who's worn out from the hard life she's been leading. She's also extremely easy to root for.

Gil Jackson (Chris Hemsworth)



Gil may not be the main character of the film, but he's certainly the hero. He's a good man living a quiet life as a ski instructor and nature enthusiast. He lives in a cabin away from town and that's one of the reasons Alex hired him to lead the gang on a cross-country skiing expedition. Once the group reaches Gil's cabin, Ward plans to have his airplane land and carry off his crew and their loot into Canada. After disposing of Gil, of course.

It doesn't help Gil's chances of survival that he hits it off with Gypsy and - not realizing she's already romantically involved - constantly flirts with her in front of Alex. The question is: is she flirting back because she likes him or because she's doing her part to distract him from Alex's plan? That's not just a question the audience is wondering, it's also one Gypsy herself may not know the answer to.

Can't think of a better hero these days than Hemsworth. Ryan Gosling's going to have his work cut out for him to play a threat to Hemsworth, but I have faith in him. Just watch Drive and you'll see what I mean.

Byron (Michelle Rodriguez)



Byron is a man in the original, but I enjoy gender-swapping when possible and there's no reason he can't be a woman in the remake. Let's just say that Byron's her last name and not even worry about giving her a first one. That makes her tougher and more mysterious, anyway.

Byron is Alex's right hand. She's as tough and ruthless as he is, if not as smart. For example, it's Byron who discovers the cobweb monster when she takes a date up to the mine where she's supposed to be planting explosives.

Alex's plan is to blow up the mine the following day and rob the local bank while everyone's dealing with the cave-in. Alex doesn't count on Byron's taking a local bar employee (a waitress in the original, and there's no reason she can't also be a woman in our version) with him to set the charges. Byron finishes the job, but the creature attacks and drags the waitress into the darkness.

The waitress' disappearance causes some problems in town (and Alex doesn't believe Byron's story about the monster), but the plan still works. The bomb goes off, everyone rushes out of town to help, and the gang robs the bank.

Marty Jones (Anthony Mackie)



Marty is Alex's other henchman, but not as tough as Byron. In fact, he kind of has a tender side, as demonstrated when he meets Imelda. I like Mackie and it's easy to believe him as a tough guy hiding a gentle heart.

Imelda (Moon Bloodgood)




Imelda is Gil's housekeeper in the original version, but let's make her his sister or childhood friend for this one. She lives with him, but their relationship is platonic.

When the gang arrives at the cabin, they're successfully hiding the money they stole (gold bars in the original) and Gil suspects nothing. Imelda and Marty hit it off, complicating a situation that's already tense because Alex is about done with Gypsy and Gil's flirting.

Into all this tension comes the monster. I won't reveal what happens, but the threat of the cobweb monster makes everyone decide very quickly where their priorities and loyalties lie. Played well, the beast is less about creating horror and more about pushing the drama forward, though it should certainly also be scary in order to do that.

Beast of Haunted Cave is a B-movie that doesn't handle it's material as well as it deserves, but the material is excellent and ready to be done right.

10 Movies I Didn't Care For in 2011

47. Immortals



It sure was pretty, but the story made no damn sense beyond the general outline of the plot. All form; no substance.

46. Season of the Witch



I really wanted to like this movie; partly because I wanted to see a spooky story about a lone warrior taking on the medieval church, but also because I wanted to like Nicholas Cage in a movie again. I can't talk about why I disliked this without going into spoilers, so I'll just say that I wasn't at all pleased with either the major plot twist or the way the climax was executed in general. There's some nice mood in this movie, but it supports nothing.

45. Killer Elite



It's partially disguised by the device of having an antagonist who's not entirely a bad guy, but there's no hiding that it's filled with cliché after action-movie cliché, starting with the former assassin who's new, peaceful life is threatened when he's forced to perform One Last Job. So many actors that I like - especially Yvonne Strahovski - wasted.

44. Tower Heist



There were a couple of hilarious moments that weren't spoiled in the trailer, so that's good. I even liked a lot of the characters; especially the ones played by Michael Peña and Matthew Broderick. But the hitch in the heist was lame and led to an unbelievable and unsatisfying conclusion. And though Eddie Murphy was funnier than he's been in a live-action film in years, this wasn't the role to spotlight his comeback. He's playing essentially the same function that Jamie Foxx did in Horrible Bosses, but Foxx was funnier. Way funnier.

43. Your Highness



So unfunny. The only redeeming quality is Natalie Portman's butt.

42. Unknown



Not anything like Taken, which is what it wanted you to think it was. Characters do things for no good reason and January Jones' performance is unwatchable. Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger are fun to watch together though and it sure was nice to see Aidan Quinn again, even in something like this.

41. The Ides of March



Great performances, but the movie's only message seems to be that Politics Suck. I already knew that.

40. Hugo



I feel guilty about putting Hugo behind Cowboys & Aliens, but let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Hugo presented itself as a steampunk story with a central mystery about an automaton and a secret key. That's the movie that I went to see, but it's not the movie that Hugo is. Hugo is a love letter to the history of cinema; a concept I can get behind, but not while I'm waiting for mystic doors to open and reveal an awesome world of clockworks and magic. I'm interested in seeing this again and re-evaluating it for what it is, but until then I'm stuck with disappointment.

39. Cowboys & Aliens



Some of my favorite fimmakers got together and hacked out this SyFy original movie. The low point in several people's careers. And yet, they're all people I love.

38. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides



I've already talked about this one at length, but the gist of my complaint is that it's cartoonish and doesn't follow through on the themes or characterizations from the first three films. What saves it is Penélope Cruz' complicated character and its just being a Pirates of the Caribbean movie with all the jungle/island/sea adventure that comes with that (even if it doesn't make a lot of sense).

Amazon of the Week: Deadly Little Miho

I'm not sure I can explain what's so cool about Miho from Sin City.

So cold. So deadly. So mysterious. Trying to describe what makes her cool is like trying to describe why you like Wolverine. "I don't know. She's just cool!" Only she's not completely overcooked the way he is. She's new. She's fresh. She's drawn by Frank Miller.

12 movies I hated in 2010

They say that every cloud has a silver lining. If that's true, the silver linings in these storm clouds were bolts of lightning about to strike the tree I was standing under. From worst to...well, "best" doesn't seem like the appropriate word, but "least worst" maybe:

Number 52



I wrote a full review for the Kill All Monsters! blog, but the short version is that Skyline had no story. It was an idea for a story, but it went nowhere and ended at what should have been the movie's halfway point. Horrible.

Number 51



The movie that proved that M Night Shyamalan is so far gone that he doesn't even have to direct the movie for it to suck. Devil didn't make any sense and replaced Plot and Character Motivation with things like Fate and Whatever Shyamalan Decided to Pull Out of His Butt.

Sweets: A New Orleans Crime Story

My pal Kody Chamberlain has a new Crime series called Sweets that's coming out through Image starting in July. I've always known Kody could draw, but this is his first outing as a writer and I'm excited to see what he can do. He's from southern Louisiana too, so I'm also looking forward to seeing how well he captures the flavor of one of the coolest cities in the world.

According to the solicit:

A spree killer terrorizes New Orleans days before Hurricane Katrina makes landfall. Detective Curt Delatte just buried his only daughter, and he's in no condition to work. But when the bodies pile up, he masks his grief and joins the hunt through the bowels of the Big Easy. It won't be long until his city--and his evidence--gets washed away.

There are preview pages in that link too, so check it out.

Logorama

This movie is up for a Best Animated Short Oscar for good reason. It takes place in a world made up entirely of trademarks and logos, which is cool enough, but there's also a police drama as a couple of Michelin Men cops pursue a red-headed, floppy-shoed criminal named Ronald McDonald. The language is pretty police-drama-y, so be advised about that.