Wednesday, January 09, 2013

13 Movies I Hated in 2012

Since I'm basically counting down to my Top 10 at the end of the month, here's the bottom of the list, in order from most hated to least.

43. Wrath of the Titans

I wasn't going to see this after learning my lesson with the Clash of the Titans remake, but my son loves Greek mythology and enjoyed Clash, so he was looking forward to it and we went. He's ten and enjoyed it, but it taught me that when Sam Worthington says he's only going to do a sequel because they fixed all the problems with the first one: Do Not Believe Him.

42. Safe House

No surprises in this movie and I so did not care what happened to anyone in it.

41. Dark Shadows

Should've been called Wasted Talent. I love pretty much everyone in this movie, but it was a boring, nonsensical mess.

40. Taken 2

There was one point in Taken 2 where I thought they might have found something interesting to do with these characters. After the events of Taken, I can understand why Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace's characters may have turned a little dysfunctional with Neeson's being overprotective and Grace not really sure whether she appreciates that or not. That would've been a cool dynamic to explore, especially if Grace then had to turn around and save Neeson somehow, but it was dropped in favor of simply remaking the first one.

39. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Great premise, but it was a mistake to try to fold in Lincoln's entire life. The adventures of Young Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter would have been enough. Skipping ahead and telling a whole, second story of Old Lincoln was too much. Plus, these vampires really aren't that interesting.

38. Resident Evil: Retribution

I'm a big, big fan of the Resident Evil movies, but this was a horrible entry. It does very little to advance the series' overarching plot, but it's also weak even as a standalone movie. It sets up a mission, explains what the heroes have to do to complete that mission, then shows them doing it. Yawn.

Also, it introduces some smart, badass, new characters, then has them do extremely dumb and weak things just to prolong the drama.

37. American Reunion

This was my first American Pie movie, so I had no nostalgic attachment to it. Mostly I just wanted to see what everyone's been talking about all these years and watch Alyson Hannigan and Seann William Scott in these roles that they became famous for. Unfortunately, it was more gross and creepy than funny.

36. Wanderlust

This was actually funny, but I have a problem with adultery's being introduced to push a plot along without dealing with the emotional fallout from it. I know it's my own hang-up, but I've seen cheating seriously screw up too many of my friends' marriages. There are always repercussions and it feels cheap to me when cheaters are let off the hook too easily. By all means, have some adultery in your movie. Just deal with it honestly when you do.

35. Seven Psychopaths

I wanted a fun, Guy Ritchie-esque crime movie, not a deconstruction of that genre with nothing new or interesting to say about it. There are some fun - even great - performances (Walken!), but even then I felt ripped off by how little Olga Kurylenko is in it.

34. Battleship

I was seriously surprised that this isn't my most hated movie of the year, but there was some genuinely fun, pulpy adventure in between all the cynical, stupid predictability.

33. This Means War

More fun that it deserved to be, mostly because all three stars are so likable. But it's an implausible story, both in how Chris Pine and Tom Hardy use government resources, and in the decision Reese Witherspoon makes at the end.

32. Snow White and the Huntsman

I might would have liked this more except that it was supposed to be the good Snow White movie this year and it sucked in comparison to the utterly lovable Mirror Mirror. Singing dwarves work for The Hobbit, but they're laughable here. Kristen Stewart looks as sleepy and bored as ever and there is NO WORLD in which she's fairer than Charlize Theron.

Still, Theron does a fantastic job and I love the motivations the film gives her character. And Chris Hemsworth is always cool.

31. Total Recall

I'm not a huge fan of the original, so I wasn't opposed to the idea of remaking it, but this version commits a multitude of sins. It tries to update the plot, but leaves gaping holes in the process and doesn't present some key scenes as effectively as the original.

You know what covers a multitude of sins though? Kate Beckinsale kicking ass. Which she totally does all over this movie.


Erik Johnson Illustrator said...

I didn't go out to see a lot of movies this year. Abe Lincoln is the only one on this list I was unfortunate enough to see. I had read the book it was based on, which isn't anything great, but it is moderately interesting how the novel tried to blend historical events with its own mythology.

I thought the movie was going to be tongue in cheek to save face, but no, they play it completely straight. It had that feeling like I was watching a middle school play with all these young actors trying to play adults, right down to the White House seeming to be run by all of three guys. That and it looked like the film was edited by someone who was downing Monster energy drinks by the gallon.

If they had made this movie in the style of a fake documentary with photographs, documents and testimonies in dark rooms, I think that it might have been better received.

Michael May said...

Yeah. It's a cool idea and there are ways of making a good movie out of it. It's just too bad that that's not what they did.

Kal said...

I haven't had to courage to admit to anyone how much I was let down by the latest Resident Evil because I LOVE those movies. I just wanted more and Mila was game but the script just let her down.

The only good thing about Battleship was when they were actually playing Battleship with the aliens which should not have been the case. This was a Michael Bay movie done by someone who had only seen Michael Bay movies.

Total Recall can be summed up in one sentence - "Get you ass to Mars" with no Mars there was no movie for me.

ShezCrafti said...

I haven't seen Wrath of the Titans, but the fact that it was panned by so many has me worried about Jonathan Liebsman's ability to direct next year's TMNT movie. And here I thought Michael Bay was all I needed to worry about.

I still can't bring myself to watch Dark Shadows. I'm a big fan of the original show and I've hated everything about this remake since I first saw the trailer. It should have been a love letter to the original show, but instead it's just the latest in a string of Tim Burton disappointments.

Neal Kristopher said...

I'm kind of shocked that I haven't seen a single one of these. usually I end up watching every terrible movie released every year on accident. I do plan to catch quite a few down the road.

Love your end of year lists so far.


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